I’ve come to this place where I seem to be putting in an endless amount of effort in everything I do. The more I try, the more I become weary. I have come to a place of tiredness and a place where I feel far from God.
I am saying this to be transparent. Not for discouragement. I say this to help one of you that may be going through the same thing. This season of my life has been one of correction, repentance, and a need for endurance. It has been one where if I focused on feelings, I would be lost.
A relationship with God is not based upon feelings. But is based upon Faith and the solid foundation of truth, God’s Word.
So, even though I feel weary, he is renewing my strength.
Even though I may feel sad, he is near to the broken hearted.
It may seem like I am surrounded with defeat, but I am more than a conqueror.
It feels like these promises will never comes to pass, but I am in the waiting and his word cannot come back void.
I may feel far from God however he said he will never leave me not forsakeme. He will always be there to deliever me!
Even though the doctors say there is no change,by his wounds I am healed.
Things do not make sense right now, but I lean not on my own understanding, he will make my path straight.
There will be times where your emotions want to take over. But, focus on the perfector of our Faith and the one who will never let us down, Jesus. Surround yourself in his presence and praise him through the storm. You are not alone and you are so loved! Feelings may lie, but his word stands true, now and forever and ever.
God laid it on my heart these past couple days to talk about how Jesus isn’t looking for us to “get clean” before we ask him in our life. Neither should the church you attend. The church you attend should be showing the love of Jesus by meeting you where you are at, sins and all. None of us our perfect. None.
I have went to different churches with different denominations. Where I have learned the most is where I felt the love of Jesus and was taught biblical principles. I’ve never learned something out of fear or condemnation. We know that fear nor condemnation come from God. Love casts out all fear and God is Love. There’s a big difference between conviction and condemnation. Condemnation is overwhelming guilt that pushes you away from God. Where conviction is where Holy Spirit points out you have something to work on in your heart through love.
When I went back to church in 2015, I was sick and in need of a doctor. In other words, I was consumed by the enemies lies, what people portrayed God to be, overwhelmed by the heaviness of my sin, and just came home from the bar a couple hours before while still battling a pill addiction. I stepped into The River and was very timid and didn’t really want to talk or be seen by anyone. However, I was stopped by 4 amazing women that day that I still love to this day. They knew that I was struggling but loved me anyways, just as Jesus does. I walked into worship and it was completely different than anything I had ever saw. People were free. They held up their hands praising God, weeping, and laying hands on one another. And then Holy Spirit hit me….Like right in the face. Some of you know exactly what I’m talking about! The song we were singing was talking about was about breaking free from addiction and depression.
I am unsure why there is this lie floating around that Jesus expects you to be white as snow when you come to him…probably just one of satans tactics…But, if we were clean and not in need of a doctor, God wouldn’t of went Jesus to die for us. It’s never too late to come to God & you’re never too dirty to come to him either.
“Come now, let’s settle this,” says the Lord . “Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.
Isaiah 1:18 NLT
“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”
1 John 4:18 NLT
We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.
1 John 4:16 NLT
In the years I have been walking with God there are some reoccurring events that he has set before me. Often times, he sets people who are broken just like I used to be and needing exactly what I needed 2 years ago or sometimes even just yesterday. God has placed people directly in my path that need the tools that I have been using to help them become victorious and more invested in their relationship with God. During these times, there has been some really raw, emotional, uncomfortable topics. Such as, I used to be addicted to drugs and alcohol, there was a time in my life I didn’t want to live, and other events such as abuse, trauma, and other things people don’t like to talk about. God has called me to be Bold & Courageous and be transparent past the point of where I ever thought I would be comfortable sharing. When I started to not care what other people thought and knew that Abba already approves, it what a done deal.
When I started sharing my testimony with people I was terrrrrified. I said ummm or like every couple seconds. Sweaty palms, heavy breathing…you know the works. As I was repeatedly obedient to God, I saw why he was telling me to do the things he was.
I began to see people accept God into their life for the first time. I have saw healing of illnesses that doctors said were permanent. I have witnessed baggage people were never meant to carry and condemnation being lifted and people being freed through what Jesus died for on the cross. When we speak boldly to people about our testimony, it gives others the chance to have the freedom we have found in our relationship with God. It makes them realize they are not alone. You would be surprised how many people are going through exactly what you are going through at this moment but are too scared to speak up.
I’m here to say that sometimes we need to lay aside our fear of disapproval, when God already said he “approves”. Speak up. Speak Life. I am also here to say we sometimes need to lay aside our pride and say we are doing a little rougher than normal instead of the automatic, “I’m good! How are you?” reply.
We are chosen by God to help certain people that really need that transparency. We are also chosen by God to have those people in our lives to love and support us when we need it most. Speak Up. Speak Life.
There is such a thing as guarding your heart because everything flows from it. However, I do believe God doesn’t ever intend for us to put up walls against the things are godly and biblical. Guard your hearts against the things that aren’t of him. We have Holy Spirit to always lead, discern, speak, and comfort us when we need him. We just have to be able to recognize and be obedient the Spirit leads us to do.
For me, being obedient has been Bold & Courageous when I was scared and didn’t want to talk about the wounds or what I was going through at that moment. Not only was being obedient freeing to me, it was freeing for others. Being obedient and transparent has been especially rewarding to me when I see others walking in freedom, truth, and love. Most importantly it shows God just how much we love him.
The devil is really good at lying to us and keeping us in the unknown of what really is going on in the spiritual world when we allow him too. So of course, he will do everything in his power to stop you from being obedient to God and fulfilling your God given purpose. There are also times when maybe its our own flesh and we are scared of what other people think, or we don’t view ourselves the way God see’s us and we don’t have much confidence. (I have been there too.)
Don’t let the anything stop you from being obedient to God. Don’t let anything stop you from helping someone else. Don’t pass up those Ah-Ha moments with God that will fill your heart so much that you will be overwhelmed with tears of joy. & Never forget that you aren’t alone in what you have faced or are facing. Speak up, Speak Life.
Want to check out yesterday’s blog talked about in the photo caption? Here’s the link! *Insert Title Here*
I have gotten a few love taps from Holy Spirit this week. He has brought me great conviction in my life. I used to be very apprehensive about correction, discipline, and criticism. However, as I read through scripture I know when I am convicted, God gives me mercy to repent, and grace because I am forgiven because his son Jesus. I have learned throughout scripture over and over how wonderful it is to be corrected. “Only a fool despises a parent’s discipline;whoever learns from correction is wise.”-Proverbs 15:5
Though, as I am convicted, let’s be honest, it doesn’t feel the greatest! Often times, my heart is heavy, and I may even cry. What we do after conviction is what really counts. We are called to be obedient to God and repent, ask for forgiveness, and ask for his guidance to direct our steps and guide us through this lesson. Are these lessons easy? No! But, what is worth having, that is easy? One of the tools I use is an accountability partner. Having that fellowship with people who let you know if you are doing wrong, is a great tool to have. Of course, these accountability partners are to do everything in love! Accountability partners also edify you and build you up when you need it most.
The common themes among Proverbs 15 is correction, the tongue, and anger. (There will be more posts to come relating to Proverbs 15) We see that wise people take advice. Make sure, this advice you are taking of course lines up with the Word of God! (Including this blog, read the word yourself!) Plans fail when there is no counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. -Proverbs 15:2
A lot of the time, my conviction comes with one on one time with Abba. Sometimes, it comes from people who are close to me, or some random person on facebook. (I hope you chuckled at that one!) We all have different types of relationships, which call for different types of boundaries. If the person on facebook, who you randomly met 3 years ago through a mutual friends cousin, is giving you parenting advice on whether or not you should vaccinate your kid…I would listen. Do not disregard what they say…But, It doesn’t mean I would take their advice, unless God laid it on your heart to. If your husband or wife, parents, or anyone who is close to you, speaks to you with concern, and it’s in a loving manner. Listen to them. The truth may hurt, but rejecting truthful and loving insight will only hurt you in the long run. ‘If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.”-Proverbs 15:32
When it comes to correction, it’s not the most warm and fuzzy thing you feel on you Walk With God. The by product, the fruit that grows from the lesson, is worth the discipline. What Father doesn’t want what’s best for their kid? What earthly Father doesn’t correct you when you are wrong and redirect your steps? Not to compare our earthly Fathers, to our Heavenly Father…but if our earthly father can do this for us, surely Abba will. God’s nature is loving and gentle, but just. The conviction will be at the perfect time that you need it. Do not disregard what God is speaking to you, even when it is hard. We have to deny our flesh daily and follow Jesus. “Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.”-Luke 9:23-24
Don’t give up either! You can do this! Just don’t try to do it alone! Use God’s strength and ask Holy Spirit to lead the way. Use an accountability partner. & Remember, God is your #1 cheerleader…He loves you and is always rooting for you to try again, even if you make a mistake.