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Suffering Before The Victory

Life has a way of throwing you unexpected curve balls that are going 90 miles per hour and hit you in the gut. These circumstances leave you with a heaviness. Such a heaviness that it does not matter if it finals week, dinner needs to be cooked, the house needs to be cleaned, and your hair is now dreads. You are glued to your chair because it does not seem possible to get up.

Where is my victory? This is not how life is supposed to be.

So often we here about ‘there is going to be a victory’ but we do not talk about the gut wrenching process that it takes to see the victory. No one is talking about the suffering. Yet, when I read through the word of God, Jesus himself over and over not only talks about suffering but endured suffering before he ever saw the fulfillment of the victory. This is easily displayed through the crucifixion. There had to be death before there was victory. There had to be suffering in order for all God had planned to do to save us could to truly come to pass.

Then the Lord said, “I have observed the misery of my people in Egypt, and have heard them crying out because of their oppressors. I know about their sufferings, and I have come down to rescue them from the power of the Egyptians and to bring them from that land to a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey—the territory of the Canaanites, Hethites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. -Exodus 3:7-8 CSB

Yes, you may be suffering. God see’s you, he hears you, he has not forgotten you. Thankfully it does not stop at suffering, thankfully there is a rescue mission in place. I have been thankful for throughout the 2 car accidents, the miscarriage, and the recent loss of my Grandmother is that God has heard my cries, he still hears them. In fact he has kept every single tear I have ever cried in a bottle.

You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
 You have recorded each one in your book. -Psalm 56:8 NLT

God has not forgotten you. Even though it may feel like he has, he has not forsaken you or left you. Jesus actually knows how you feel. So when you boldly cry out to him in anger and misunderstanding of all that has taken place (even in the parking lot of Wendy’s), he will meet you there. When you do not have the words to say because the heaviness on your chest feels like it is suffocating you, the Holy Spirit is there to help.

I am not going to be the person that preaches that all is fine and well in the life of a Christian. Unbeliever and believer alike both are going to go through sufferings because of the fallen world we live in. The bible shows in the life of the disciples (especially Paul) and Jesus, following God’s will is anything but easy. It’s hard. Sometimes it is really hard.

But, the wonderful news is, we do not have to go through these sufferings alone feeling misunderstood, alone, or forsaken. We do not have to wonder if the milk and honey in our land (promises fulfilled) will ever come. Each day, we are given the opportunity to boldly come before the Lord and cast our cares. He has invited us to come to him and exchange heaviness for his peace, rest in our souls.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30 NLT

Just yesterday, I wept so loud that I was reminded of the time that Hannah was crying and Eli thought she was drunk. Sorry neighbors! But through prayer, God’s word, and just being with him, I have found encouragement, joy, strength, and peace.

I weep with sorrow; encourage me by your word. -Psalm 119:28 NLT

You reveal the path of life to me;
in your presence is abundant joy;
at your right hand are eternal pleasures. -Psalm 16:11 CSB

The truth of the matter is that living a life in a fallen world is hard, it’s messy, and there is a lot of suffering. We each are going through something. Jesus knows this. He has experienced suffering and he so deeply desires us to come before him in the process. It is ONLY in his presence we can be filled with peace, joy, strength, hope, and encouragement that surpasses all worldly understanding.

I am not sure what you are facing. I can tell you that you are not alone, God is there with you and I am enduring hardship too. This is not the end of the road, we are not stuck in suffering. We must remember as believers that this life is temporary and must not lose sight of heaven. There is so much we can learn in the midst of our present circumstances. As you are honest and vulnerable before the Lord he will exchange the unbearable heaviness for the truth. After all, the truth will set you free. It may be hard to move closer to God right now, but it is essential that you do even if it is one centimeter at a time. Everything that you need is found IN him.

More Scripture To Meditate On:

  • I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.” -John 16:33 CSB
  • I’m exhausted and worn out with my weeping. I endure weary, sleepless nights filled with moaning, soaking my pillow with my tears. My eyes of faith won’t focus anymore, for sorrow fills my heart. There are so many enemies who come against me! Go away! Leave me, all you troublemakers! For the Lord has turned to listen to my thunderous cry. Yes! Yahweh my healer has heard all my pleading and has taken hold of my prayers and answered them all. -Psalm 6:6-9 TPT
  • Yet when holy lovers of God cry out to him with all their hearts, the Lord will hear them and come to rescue them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to all whose hearts are crushed by pain, and he is always ready to restore the repentant one. Even when bad things happen to the good and godly ones, the Lord will save them and not let them be defeated by what they face. -Psalm 34:17-19 TPT
  • Trust in the Lord completely, and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart rely on him to guide you, and he will lead you in every decision you make. Become intimate with him in whatever you do, and he will lead you wherever you go. Don’t think for a moment that you know it all, for wisdom comes when you adore him with undivided devotion and avoid everything that’s wrong. Then you will find the healing refreshment your body and spirit long for. -Proverbs 3:5-8 TPT
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My Messy Prayers

I have been going through a lonnnnnng season of trial and tribulations. I want to share a little bit of what God has put on my heart and taught me during this season.

He has pointed out many people throughout the bible who have been straight up vulnerable with God. It didn’t matter what they were going through they didn’t leave a piece of their heart hidden from God. Their prayers and calls to God were in deep anguish, agony, and sorrow. We see this throughout the Psalms a lot! Another example that God has had me focus on is in 1 Samuel 1-2.

Often times it wasn’t that I was intentionally keeping what I was going through hidden. I just didn’t want to complain. I didn’t want to be negative. What really happened when I didn’t tell God what was on my heart, was my thoughts of hurt and negativity later spread to my heart and soon my actions began to change. I was no longer acting in the spirit, I was acting in my flesh. In a sense, I was trying be independent instead of relying on God. Instead of speaking to him what was on my heart, I buried it down deep and it blossomed into one ugly rotten mess. Oh man was it a mess. It seems silly now, but I almost didn’t want God to feel like I was burdening him with my problems. What I was doing was keeping God out the equation. I was not coming to a solution because I was hoarding the problem. By not being real with God about what was going on, I was carrying a burden I was never meant to carry. I didn’t give room for God to be God. I was acting in pride. Not being real didn’t allow him to change my heart and see things from his perspective.

God spoke very clearly to me and said:

Be vulnerable with me. Give me enough time for me to speak. Listen to my voice. I already know what you are going to say before you say it. I am not like anyone else. I am not like those who have hurt you. My love is not conditional based upon circumstances. I am the one you can count on. I am like no one else you know. I want every piece of your heart. I am all knowing. I keep my promises. Follow the Spirit. Be a woman of prayer, endless faith, and constant worship.

I’m really not sure where I began to feel like I was “burdening God with my problems” but that is not how God feels when we come to him in surrender. We are never meant to be without the guidance of the Spirit. God wants us to come to him with our prayers being real and raw and messy. He is the one we should be coming to like that. God is the one who can turn the worst situation, feelings, or unpleasant thoughts into a thankful heart.

When we withhold what is truly going on with us from an all knowing, steadfast, everlasting, loving God, we are really cutting ourselves short. We aren’t avoiding complaining. We aren’t avoiding negativity. God wants us completely surrendered in every part of our heart. He wants us to completely trust him and be vulnerable and messy. There is nothing that can surprise him. There is nothing he can’t do. He wants to love on us through our messes. He wants to love on us through our hurt. There’s never a moment he doesn’t want to be with us.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”-Philippians 4:6-7 NLT

 “Because of Christ and our faith in him,we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence.”-Ephesians 3:12 NLT

I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”-Ephesians 3:16-20 NLT

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”-Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV

Side note:I am so sorry I have been sparingly posting on here. College has slowly taken over my life but God is still at work in my heart and life. I try to post a verse of the day every single day on Instagram and Facebook. So be sure to get connected. You can find the links on My Mission & Vision page 🙂 I can’t wait to be able to write more soon but feel free to search through old posts and share what God is doing in your life. I would love to hear from you!



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​I can do all things [which He has called me to do] through Him who strengthens and empowers me [to fulfill His purpose–I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency; I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses me with inner strength and confident peace.]-PHILIPPIANS 4:13 AMP

Sometimes you just have to remind yourself that you need to give everything to God & that he already has plan for everything to turn out for the good. The Lord is my strength and he casts out all fear because he is Love!