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Battle Ready

A couple weeks ago I was brought to a very important decision. Was I to cripple back in ubelief or take out my sword and fight? I was overwhelmed. My heart was drenched in the heaviness I used to feel with depression. I knew I AM HEALED. I have not dealt with this in like three years! Why was I dealing with this now?

Until these past couple days I had no idea WHY depression was trying to creep back in my life. But, with snot coming out of my nose from crying, burning eyes, and extreme fatigue, I began to call out to God. The spirit would speak for me as I laid down whatever was trying to bring me back to the place I have been freed from. It felt real. I knew it was real. BUT, I knew my God has the final say and there is nothing that does not have to BOW DOWN to the blood of Jesus.

I have not written in a while. I always say that God is preparing me in those seasons that seem so dry. But really, he took the pen.

As I called upon the Lord, the Holy Spirit brought to my rememberance what he has written already on my heart. By Jesus’ wound I am HEALED. No weapon formed against me shall prosper! I have authority to trample on serpents and scorpions and the devil himself cannot hurt me. God you are near to the brokenhearted. My mind is at perfect peace when I am transfixed on you. God you do not give me a spirit of fear or timidy but of power love and a sound mind. The devil MUST flee when I resist him. I have the sword of the spirit! I am on the winning side!!!!

You see, I rebuked the Spirit of Depression. I rebuked the Spirit of Anxiety. I rebuked the Spirit of PTSD and I rebuked the Spirit of Bipolar Disorder. I know that I am healed. But, Holy Spirit said “Now is the time to FIGHT”. So with the help of him I pulled out my sword and it was war!!! I began declaring God’s Word over and over and over and the devil finally fled as I resisted his lies.

Little did I know what was coming the week after…

Blessing on blessing on blessing.

IT IS HARVEST TIME.

When we are facing trials and tribulations, the devil’s pattern seems to be the same. To try to deceive us and bring us back to where we used to be. But our SWORD and the AUTHROITY God has given us through the HOLY SPIRIT is so much greater than anything we will have to face. Another pattern that has been brought to my attention is that when there is about to be a BREAKTHROUGH, he attacks. Sometimes he even attacks after. Which is why it is of GREAT importance to always have your sword ready!!

When we face times where we are being attacked over and over, what we fed ourselves is bound to come out. I cannot put enough emphasis on fellowship with God through prayer and his word and fellowship and communion with the saints. We are to be battle ready at all times. This is a war we are in!

When you are hard pressed on every side, what comes out? Will you choose fear or faith?

God is so graceful and such an amazing helper that there is no shame if we need help with this. He said those who humble themselves shall be exalted and that he meets us in our weakness with his strength. If you need help in this arena (which I think we all can grow deeper in these areas) call upon his name. He is ready for you!

We do not shrink back, but press into his presence. We take out our sword and every deception that darkness tries to bring MUST bow!

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Take Out The Trash

Has anyone ever left there trash in their house a couple extra days more than they probably should’ve? Maybe forgot to take it out before you went on a weeks vaction? You come back and your house stinks terrible. It’s not just in the kitchen, but you can smell it as soon as you walk in through the door! When we allow thoughts that doesn’t line up with biblical truth in our minds, it’s stinkiness soons reaches our heart and shows through our actions. We reap what we sow in our minds. Sow what the Spirit wants, not of your flesh. When you have a stinky thought, take it out to the trash where it belongs. Kick it to the curb! When we focus and meditate on what The Word of God says after we kick the lies to the curb, we will bear fruit. So.much.fruit! To know and identify the lies to kick them out, we also need to know the truth! I encourage you to really dig into your thought pattern and why you do the things you do. Find those roots or the chicken container you forgot about (so gross) and let Holy Spirit do a work in your heart!

Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes.
Romans 12:2 TPT

For those who are living according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh [which gratify the body], but those who are living according to the Spirit, [set their minds on] the things of the Spirit [His will and purpose].
ROMANS 8:5 AMP

For the one who sows to his flesh [his sinful capacity, his worldliness, his disgraceful impulses] will reap from the flesh ruin and destruction, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.
GALATIANS 6:8 AMP

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The Day God Saved Me From Suicide

Due to the detail of this article, it may be a little graphic to some.

It was a cold February day as I woke up and the tormenting thoughts still hadn’t went away. I had been hospitalized,many times, for suicidal thoughts, attempts, and self-harm since 2008. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II (manic-depressive), anxiety, ADHD, and PTSD in 2012. I was put on medication since a very early age to cope with my ongoing symptoms. I even tried drugs and alcohol to cope with my symptoms. No matter what I tried to do, the pain I felt from all the abuse, the thoughts of wanting the pain to go away and not come back, the continual thoughts of it will never get better wouldn’t go away. I had suicidal thoughts from the time I got up, till the time I went to bed from October 2015-February 2016. I got out of bed, went to college, worked, and went home. I tired every single coping skill they gave you in the hospital and I was taking my medication as prescribed. Why wasn’t this emptiness, this hopelessness, this feeling of not having a purpose not going away!?! I got up, and started screaming at God. I was angry. Why did all this happen to me? I named off every single thing that had ever happened to me, big or little. If I am trying to get help, why isn’t it working!?!? Why won’t the pain go away!? Why won’t these thoughts go away!? I was about to get into the shower and I picked up the razor blade and sliced my leg, just to feel the pain temporarily go away. I began and it was like I couldn’t stop. I was sobbing on the floor in my bathroom, alone and bleeding out my sorrows. I ended up messaging my school administrator explaining that I was in no shape or form to come in, but was instructed to come in because Monday’s were mandatory. I drove up to school, crying, begging, and screaming about what was going on in my life. I walked into school and was immediately asked what was wrong. I was speechless. I was drowning and no one saw it and if they did see, they couldn’t help me. I had written a suicide note the day before, and the first line stated was, “I first of all want to say I’m sorry, this wasn’t meant to hurt any of you…”

I often hear of people saying suicide is selfish… When dealing with these thoughts for so long, the only thing that kept me here was the fact I would’ve hurt others. It’s a constant pain that never went away. I ended up being released from school and drove up to the Blue Water Bridge. I called my mother, explaining that I was so tired and I couldn’t do it anymore. I was so tired of trying for thing to get better temporarily and for it all to come back. My Mom knew what was going on and she gave me the best advice she ever could’ve…she instructed me to pray.

I begged out for a God… If you are real God, please, PLEASE, show me, please make it go away. I am so tired of doing this on my own. I can’t anymore. Please help me. A sense of peace, came over me. My heart no longer felt like it was physically breaking, I felt an urge to go back home and sleep.

I dealt with these thoughts since I was 15 years old. The very last time I had suicidal thoughts was on that cold February day when I asked God to come into my life. I can’t thank him enough for saving me on that cold winter day. I will continue, later on, about my recovery process.

Look y’all, if you are dealing with that pain I dealt with, I know it’s real, I know it hurts, and I know you want it to go away. But can I tell you, that suicide isn’t the answer… Can I tell you that as big as the demons your facing, God is so much bigger. Can I tell you that you’re not alone and I’ve been there… Can I tell you that God has since then healed me and has used what I’ve been through to help others get through Mental Illness and Abuse.

I take it ,now, as a compliment. All the thoughts and work the devil and his crew surrounded me with. He knew how big of a threat I would be when I was filled with God.

You see, the devil is here, to lie, and destroy everything God has planned for you… and well God gives you life. He does a lot more than that. He gives you plans to prosper. His love is constant. His love is pure! He wants you tell him what is overwhelming you, because he cares. Those anxious thoughts you’ve been dealing with, aren’t from him. Those burdens, the pain you feel, you were never meant to carry. If you feel lost, reach up. If you feel like you don’t fit in, it’s because you’re not supposed to. We live in a world, filled with evil. Let the love and compassion you have deep down inside you be the light for others. You are here on this earth, at this very moment, for a very specific purpose. God said he needed one of you and there’s no one that will ever be able to fill the purpose he has for you!

I am just reminded to where I was to where I am now.

I don’t have a relationship with God because someone told me to… I have one because he saved my life and has continually poured his constant love upon me. I have a relationship with Abba because as soon as I invited him in, he was like “Finally, I have been wanting to help you for so long.” When I mess up, he cheers me on to do the right thing next time.

We believe a lot of lies about who God is.

If you are struggling please reach out to him and ask him to help. I am here too. Recovery is real. But we can’t do it on our own.