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Dear Momma With No Living Children, You Are Not Alone.

“I feel like no one understands…”, I thought to myself as I reflected on supports groups online and in person. I was surrounded with people who knew the pain of losing a child(ren) all too well. Yet, all of them had living children. There was a group of women who sat silently each session in hopes of someone understanding when it was not possible. Those that surrounded them just weren’t experiencing what they were.

Let me be clear, if you have lost a child and have current living children, I cannot possibly understand what it is like for you. I have not experienced what you have. The same goes for women who have only children in heaven. This DOES NOT make our grief less or more. Our griefs aren’t comparable. We just simply have not walked the same path and had the same experiences and this is okay. Your grief is still valid and my grief is valid too.

As I continued to reach out for love and support, I have continued to hit this hurdle that had left me more isolated rather than supported. I have left support groups that have left me empty rather than comforted. I have had posts declined because grief without living children is different than most people can understand. Yet, I knew that because there is such a huge gap, there needed to be a solution. My friend, if you are in front of this screen right now with only children in heaven, I want to know I understand what you are feeling. I understand what it is like to feel forgotten and the pain of empty arms and wombs. I understand the pain that comes with seeing other women with families, not out of jealousy or resentment, but a void you feel so deeply. I am sorry you have felt this way when you have reached out for help. I know what it is like to question if you are a mother because the only evidence you have are the stick’s you peed on and the memories that seem so close, yet so far away. I understand all to well the thankfulness you feel in your heart for women who reach out to you with families, but the emptiness you feel because there is a margin of us who seem to be hidden. What I want you to tuck in your heart Momma is that you are not alone and support is here. Your feelings are valid. Your unique grief is valid. You deserve love and support with the unique grief you are feeling.

You arms and heart wish to be filled with the babies you have lost. You long for your home to be filled with laughter, tears, and mess. When you go to sleep each night you wonder what could have been of the family you have given birth to multiple times. Is that what it feels like to birth empty promise? The promise you have hope for and dream of. The promise that is given but seems like it has been stolen away. My sister, these feelings are valid. Just because there is a group of women who have living children who cannot possibly understand, does not mean they are not hurting too. It just means we are hurting in different ways and this is okay.

What we do all have in common is the a God who loves us so much that He lost His only Son to show us. We have a heavenly father who is willing to sit with us in the ashes and remind us that we still have our crown. We have a father who wants to bind up our broken heart and comfort us through our deepest despair. We have a God who knows the very number of hairs on our head and sympathizes with us on an individual and intimate level. When it feels like no one understands, this is a perfect invitation to come before the only one who possibly could. I encourage you to pour your heart out upon the feet of the Father today. Be unreserved about what you are truly feeling. He knows your thoughts and wants you to cast your cares because He cares. When you share with Him your heart, He will open the floodgates of his love, peace, and understanding. He will sit with you in the ashes.

**If you are a mother of loss with no living children here on earth, sign up for our emails for a support group coming soon. You are not forgotten and you are so loved!

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Grace Like Scarlett (Grieving With Hope After Miscarriage And Loss) Adriel Booker ~ Book Review

Book Information:

Title: Grace Like Scarlett (Grieving With Hope After Miscarriage And Loss)

Author: Adriel Booker

Publisher: Baker Books

ISBN: 0801075815

Price: On Sale Right Now For $10.38!! (Normally $14.99)

Affiliate Link To Amazon: https://amzn.to/2vForg9

Book Review

Grace Like Scarlett by Adriel Booker has been one of the pivotal tools to healing through the loss of our child. When I thought I was alone and my feelings I felt were out of the ordinary, I read through the pages Adriel poured her heart upon and the testimonies of the other women found within the pages. I was no longer alone, shame was no longer holding me captive, and I was well on my way to healing with Jesus’ hand interweaving with mine.

Grace Like Scarlett is a wonderful guide to help you grieve and begin to heal with absolutely no timeline attached. The pages are filled with grace and God’s love, from the very front all the way to the back. The book is not only memorable but easily relatable in one of the hardest journey’s you could possibly make as a woman.

I love that Adriel admits she is still healing and that grief is different for all of us. She reminds us to not compare our journey’s but to exhort one another. Another thing that I love about this book is that she always brings you back to the only one that can heal, Jesus Christ.

Everytime I thought the storm would consume me, his grace sustained me.

Adriel Booker (Grace Like Scarlett)

I was pleasantly suprised at the amount of tools that were given to not only the grieving Momma but the Father too. I believe the tools she placed in the back are a great bonus to the overall text of the book.

While I have finished reading Grace Like Scarlett for the very first time, it surely will not be my last. Throughout my personal healing journey from miscarriage I will be able to grab this and remember once again that I am not alone and where God is in the midst of all this.

Overall, I give this book a 5 out of 5. I cannot put enough emphasis on how it has helped me heal and brought me closer to God during such a dark moment of my life. Adriel Booker points you to the silver linings of one if the hardest things you may ever endure as a woman, losing a child. If you or someone you know has went through or is going through the loss of a child, please give them this tool. I thank God that he has placed it in my lap to heal.

We love you Tater Tot and miss you every single day. We cannot wait to meet you in heaven. 03.01.2020 is the beginning of a redemption story that has yet to unfold. Loving and missing you always. -Momma & Daddy

**This book was not sponsored or given to be reviewed. I just loved it so much and believe in the words written on the pages that I had to share it with you!

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The Healing Process-How To Survive Your Darkest Days

Pain can be blinding, especially the grief that takes your breath away. There are a few things that I have learned over the past week and a half when dealing with or at least trying to cope with grief. I want to share them with you to help you through your journey.

It is so important to have a ‘tribe’. While I admit, since we had the miscarriage I am dealing with life in strides. I have not reached out as often, but I have had people that surround me with prayer and check up on me from time to time. You and I both need people in our hardest seasons and it is quite lovely to have people who celebrate with you in times where there is much to be celebrated. I have people who have surrounded me in vulnerability about their journey through healing after losing a child. I can go to them and ask the hard questions. Is it normal to have a hard time going to church? Were you mad at God? Is this normal or am I crazy? You need at least one person to help you continue healing. I am reminded of a scripture that says,

“He comforts us in all our affliction,so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” -2 Corinthians 1:4 CSB

Not only is God here to comfort you, he has people on assignment to help you through this. Maybe you aren’t dealing with miscarriage like me. But you are going through something that is causing you to suffer. God has a tribe to help you walk through this. If you feel that you do not have anyone, I would love to pray for you and help you through this. You are not meant to go through this alone.

As I admitted at the top, I have been taking life in strides. I have been living life differently. I do not do as much nor do I talk as much but I have been praying and seeking the Lord a lot more. Which comes to my second point, take your healing at Holy Spirit’s pace. This is not a race. This is more like a marathon. God made us as individuals and we all have different experiences in life which makes it pretty dangerous to compare my healing process and your healing process. There is no timeline on healing, but endurance is necessary to keep going.

“By your endurance, gain your lives.” -Luke 21:19 CSB

“For you need endurance, so that after you have done God’s will, you may receive what was promised.” -Hebrews 10:36 CSB

“Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.” -James 1:2-4 CSB

My last and final point is probably the most important one. I honestly cannot take credit for this because the pain I have been going through completely blinded me to remember to do this (just being honest). I woke up this morning pretty early. Hence why I am writing at 6am. I was awakened by the Holy Spirit bringing an image to my mind. This image was me and a bathtub, overflowing with water and me being fully emerged. Usually when you see yourself underwater this brings fear of you know, drowning. However, I did not feel fear, but peace. I began to pray in the spirit and realized it was time to get up, God was up to something. I came into what I call my prayer room and began to lean into God’s presence. He revealed to me two commandments. One being pray in the spirit and the second being, be washed in the word. Holy Spirit being the amazing helper and counselor he is, spoke to me this scripture,

“But you, dear friends, as you build yourselves up in your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit,” -Jude 1:20 CSB

I was blinded by pain and grief and did not even realize how much I had slowed down on praying in the Spirit. Of course the enemy would attack this area of my life! Prayer not only builds me up but exchanges our will for God’s and implants faith. PRAY IN THE SPIRIT! It is okay to not have all the right words or not even know what to say. We have the perfect helper.

In the same way the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because he intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” -Romans 8:26-27 CSB

When the going gets tough, draw closer to God. Even if it is a centimeter closer than yesterday, draw closer to his heart. You do not have to understand or know everything to draw closer. In him, ultimately, everything is found. He is not reluctant to give you what you need either, just ask. Be washed in the word, pray in the Spirit, and thank God for your tribe. You and I are both going to get through this, one day at a time with our perfect guide on our side.

To My Tribe:

I know many of you are reading this and are apart of my tribe. I want to thank you for pulling me away from the fire as times have gotten tough, breathing encouragement and loving me where I am at. I want to thank you for the time you’ve spent praying. You are making a difference and God see’s the time you have sown into my life. He is healing me day by day and knows I needed you.

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Step By Step-Walking Through “It”

Today is a day where I feel that the walls are slowly collapsing all around me. The world around me seems to keep on going at warp speed while my pace is as slow as a turtle. The important thing is that I am still moving. I continue to walk through this season.

Where are you at today? Where is your focus?

I want to encourage you to not look at other people’s paces. I want you to focus on where God is taking you, one step at a time. It is okay to live step by step if you are focused on your perfect guide. What is important is that you continue and walk through, not giving up as the rocks around you begin to crumble. It is easy to get distracted, when it seems like your world is falling apart. This growing process never seems to be quiet or easy. It’s is messy and strenuous. But what if you needed those rocks that seemed to be destroying your world to crumble to make a path over the river that you didn’t know was ahead? Trust your perfect guide.

I don’t have the answers and God has not answered my ‘why’ question. What he has shown me and taught me is that I only see the here and now, while he knows the whole story of redemption. So, today I choose to say, thy will be done. God then reminds me yet again that he is with me as my perfect guide.
We may not ever know all the answers, but I do know that all we need is found in HIM.

May we both not lean on what we feel or even see, but trust in the one that see’s the big picture. The one who is pure love and is working everything out for our good. May we lay down our doubts and fear and run to our refuge during this storm and rely upon his guidance to carry us through.

Scripture To Meditate On:

  • Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. –Psalm 23:4 NLT
  • And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. -Colossians 2:6-7 NLT
  • Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. -Psalm 61:1-2 NKJV
  • When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. -Isaiah 43:2 NKJV
  • Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. -Colossians 3:2 NKJV


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Boldly Speaking-Laying It All Down Before The Lord

Since the miscarriage just over a week ago, I have been battling for what seems like my life. There is the heaviness of a broken heart rather than a peace. I have been sober for 3 years but have been tempted to take back up old ways of living. People mean to support you but tend to say the wrong thing which brings you to a deeper place of sadness. It is a dark place to be. I feel misunderstood and not heard. I feel heartbroken. This place is a place that I have not been in for a long time, these are circumstances that I never have dealt with, and truth be told I have no idea what I am doing.
What has came naturally is writing. It is so much easier for me to write rather than speak. The words just seem to flow when I sit down and begin to type. And once again I am reminded that there is never a moment that God does not use and this will not be wasted.

I was able to have some quiet time with God this morning and it was so refreshing to hear what he was speaking:

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin.  Therefore, let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in time of need.” -Hebrews 4:15-16 CSB

I am weak and I am okay with admitting this. Losing our child after years of praying and standing in faith is by far the hardest thing I have had to deal with in my walk with God. It is an emptiness that I have never felt before. When you are used to overflow, just getting by seems treacherous. The devil has really tried to keep me wrapped in shame. He has tried to make me think that I did something or did not do something to cause our baby to be taken away. He has shamed me for asking God the hard questions, questioning his sovereignty. The devil has taken these moments of weakness as an opportunity to prowl and pounce. He has even tempted me with old habits, pills, drinking, and smoking. He has sent people to sow discouragement and shame and even unwanted attention. The devil is here to steal my hope, the purpose in this, and my worship to God. He is here to kill any good that can come out of this and he most certainly is out to destroy me.

God has brought me so far over the years. It wasn’t me who laid down the bottles and picked up the bible. It was Holy Spirit leading me to repentance and into his love to be saved. But right now, I am surviving day by day and I have come to terms with my weakness.

Why?

I am taken back to Hebrews 4:15-16 once again. Jesus is not only interceding for me but sympathizes with me. Jesus is feeling what I am feeling. Therefore I will not be ashamed of what I am going through. He knows and he meets me in my weakness with his perfect strength. Jesus reminds me once again that I am not forgotten, I am loved, and there is purpose in this.

In verse 15, we are given direction to come to Jesus with boldness. So what is boldness? In Greek boldness is the word, parrésia. Which means leaving a witness that something deserves to be remembered, to be taken seriously. Coming to God knowing that he see’s what I am speaking is important, brings a deeper level of intimacy and vulnerability. Not only does he feel exactly what I am going through, he see’s it as important. Somewhere in the midst of heartbreak I seemed to lose this point. I felt that even through I was pouring out my heart before the Lord, what he heard was empty. Which is really just a lie from the enemy. The truth is, God is just and has heard and felt everything that I have.

I am not sure where you are at today friend. Maybe you are dealing with heartbreak just like me, maybe you just feel unheard, or maybe you stumbled across this page in hopes of helping someone else. No matter what, know that Jesus sympathizes with you. He has walked where you have and is currently walking with you, despite how you may feel. He is Emmanuel, God with You. Hebrews 4:15-16 is our invitation to pour out our hearts before the Lord and for us to receive grace and mercy. When we are real with God about all we have been dealing with, boldly proclaiming the stance of our hearts, he does not listen passively. We serve a God who is actively working everything out for our good and who is on our side. What is going on inside of our hearts it important to God. We are his children after all. He will give us help, assistance that meets our urgent situation in the perfect time. But we first must come boldly before the throne.

Questions To Reflect On:

  • What is holding you back from coming boldly before God?
  • How are some ways God has been an ever-present help in your time of trouble?
  • What are some promises/words God has spoken to you that is helping you get through this time? (Share them in the comments)

More Scripture To Meditate On:

  • Psalm 46:1
  • 1 Peter 2:22-23
  • Psalms 34:17
  • 2 Corinthians 12:9
  • Psalms 55:22
  • John 16:33