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Shame, The Tool Used To Silence

Shame: a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.

“Don’t you ever come near my tribe again”

“The next time I see you…”

“You have delayed your season because of this”

“You’re the reason you’re all alone”

“You are so emotionally unstable…Look at how unstable you are” (After not getting a reaction out of me)

“You have such a victim mentality”

“No one will believe you, you did this to yourself”

These are just a few of the words spoken over me as I broke free from what I believed to be a group of godly people. By the power of the Holy Spirit I did not fight back but rather, He had me speak a promise.. I would now speak against abuse within the church and help people heal from spiritual abuse.

These last words were a tool to manipulate and shame me into silence, The uncovering of true character and motives had been uncovered. Fruit had been exposed and it was rotten.

With a history of childhood trauma it was easy to believe the lies that were sown. Often abusers use things that you tell them in confidentiality and care as weapons later on. You see, these people knew I had just went through another miscarriage, my husband was deployed, and knew I had went through prior abuse within the church. They used they very things I had asked them to pray about and twisted fears and insecurities I had into what looked like truth.

I finally blocked every single person that had participated in this hurt and began to ask questions. Would He actually hurt me with my husband not home? How could a godly leader threaten me over accountability for their own actions? Was talking about my problems and asking for prayer about abuse I had suffered in the past, really a victim mentality? I am really alone right now. But I was just trying to set healthy boundaries. Was this really my fault? Where is Jesus in all this? Is this how God really feels about me?

The Anointing at Bethany is a well known testimony in the bible where Jesus was at the house of Lazarus, Martha was serving, and Mary took the pound of perfume, pure and expensive and anointed Jesus’ feet with her hair. Judas Iscariot had plenty to say:

“Then one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot (who was about to betray him), said, “Why wasn’t this perfume sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” He didn’t say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief. He was in charge of the money-bag and would steal part of what was put in it.”

-John 12:4-6 CSB

Judas criticized Mary’s extravagant worship to Jesus. Like many abusers He shamed because there as a hidden heart motive at play. He shamed her. But what was Jesus’ response to this?

Jesus answered, “Leave her alone; she has kept it for the day of my burial. For you always have the poor with you, but you do not always have me.” -John 12:8 CSB

Jesus spoke up for Mary. He wasn’t ashamed of her actions and He was not afraid to stand up for her when shame was thrown at her to make her feel belittled. He saw the heart of the matter.

I am not sure where you are in reading this, but I do want to let you know that if you have endured shame being thrown at you by an abuser to silence you, know Jesus’ first response is stand up for you. Spiritual abuse can be confusing because it is someone who is supposed to represent God’s character. We can often relate our abuser’s to God’s character. We can fall for the lies and shut up and shut down. I want to let you know today that no matter what was spoken over you, Jesus is not ashamed of you. His grace, His mercy, and love outweighs it all.

More To Chew On:

-The Lord is near the brokenhearted; he saves those crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:18 CSB

-Be gracious to me, God, for a man is trampling me;
he fights and oppresses me all day long.
My adversaries trample me all day,
for many arrogantly fight against me.

When I am afraid,
I will trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?

 They twist my words all day long;
all their thoughts against me are evil.

 They stir up strife, they lurk,
they watch my steps
while they wait to take my life.
 Will they escape in spite of such sin?
God, bring down the nations in wrath.

You yourself have recorded my wanderings.
Put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?
 Then my enemies will retreat on the day when I call.
This I know: God is for me. -Psalm 56:1-9 CSB

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. -2 Corinthians 1:3-5 CSB

Have a prayer request? I would love to pray for you. Click here.

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When Simple Obedience Doesn’t Feel Purposeful

As I began to search the scriptures I saw how important not only hospitality is, but simple obedience. We often hear about the stories about miraculous healings and a lame man’s friends ripping off a roof to get to Jesus. But, what about day to day obedience? Does this really make a difference too? We are in a day in and age where there is a lot to be seen, which can make us question if what we are doing is truly important in retrospect to the kingdom of God. You know, changing the endless amount of diapers, being extra friendly to the cashier that seems to be a little moody, leaving a gift to your postal worker, and loving those who seem to hate you. Will these seemingly “little tasks” end up to be important to God?

On the first day of Unleavened Bread, when they sacrifice the Passover lamb, his disciples asked him, “Where do you want us to go and prepare the Passover so that you may eat it?” So he sent two of his disciples and told them, “Go into the city, and a man carrying a jar of water will meet you. Follow him. Wherever he enters, tell the owner of the house, ‘The Teacher says, “Where is my guest room where I may eat the Passover with my disciples?”’  He will show you a large room upstairs, furnished and ready. Make the preparations for us there.” So the disciples went out, entered the city, and found it just as he had told them, and they prepared the Passover.” -Mark 14:12-16

I would like to challenge you to see that Jesus spoke two things that could be easily overlooked in today’s society…A man brought a jar of water to the city to meet the disciples and the owner of the house had an upper room readily available for them to use.

Simple Obedience.

I wonder what would have happened if either of them overlooked what God had asked them to do. Would there have been a last supper if the man thought it was silly to go to town with the jar of water? What if the man of the home did not feel like having guests? Would he have missed the Messiah?

Because of likes, follows, and social media platforms, comparison often creeps in to whisper the lie that day to day life is pointless. How could cleaning up crayons off the wall for the 3rd time this week possibly bring people closer to God? Instead, Holy Spirit see’s you raising up the next generation of an artist who likes to color outside the lines. We question, how could this conversation help this man who is homeless? Yet, the conversation you had with him birthed new hope to live another day.

Life often give us ‘take this jar of water to the city’ moments. I have come to find that there is such a great reward of intimacy with Abba through these tasks that aren’t glamorized and often overlooked. The next time the enemy whispers the “pointlessness” of where God has you, look back at the man with the jar of water who ushered in Jesus and the disciples to the last supper and remember the room the homeowner had prepared for them. Where God has you and what He asked you to do may seem simple, but in His eye’s it is of great importance. Let our heart beat for days of simple obedience. Let us yearn to not overlook the simple tasks that make an eternal difference.

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Is This All For Nothing? Encouragement For Your Heart Through Hardship

Did I purify my heart
and wash my hands in innocence for nothing?
For I am afflicted all day long
and punished every morning.
If I had decided to say these things aloud,
I would have betrayed your people.
-Psalm 73:13-15 CSB

Have you ever felt like Asaph in this Psalm? Sometimes as we follow Christ it feels like we are getting the short end of the stick. You live a set apart life, which is not easy, and still receive an immense amount of suffering. Maybe you feel like Asaph in that even when you do open up about the suffering you are facing, other Christian’s accuse you of hidden sin, slap a scripture on it rather than having compassion, or suddenly vanish when you needed them most. Well, my friend, you are not only in the company of Asaph when it comes to this, I understand too. But most importantly, God understands deeper than anyone ever could.

Let’s keep reading, shall we?

When I tried to understand all this,
it seemed hopeless
until I entered God’s sanctuary.
Then I understood their destiny.
-Psalm 73:16-17 CSB

In times of suffering and hardship, many times we don’t get the answers we are searching for. And if we are being honest, some of the things we face do not seem fair do they? Suffering can have a tendency to make us feel hopeless as we observe the wicked that seem to be prospering.

UNTIL…

Like Aspah, we have the understanding that this earth is not our home. That our story does not end here. In fact there will be a day where there is no more pain, no more sorrow, and no more suffering (See Revelation 21:4). The prospering of the wicked will soon come to an end and they will wish that they repented and sought the Lord’s heart. I have a feeling many will have wish they endured trials here when they see the joy and gift of heaven.

Our perfect heavenly Father can handle our hard questions. He will never leave us even if people do. And He isn’t ashamed of our feelings. So many times people can dismiss what you are feeling, but God doesn’t do that. Sorrow and grief can coexist with faith. In fact, we can see this right here in the middle of Psalm 73.

My friend, I know times may be hard but you are not alone. This suffering won’t last forever. But you know what does last forever and will carry you through? God’s Love. His Grace. His Mercy. Him.

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Soul Rest (Devotional)

When so much is happening around us or even to us, it can be easy to fall out of the place of rest found in Abba.

Let us think upon the goodness of God.
Remembering that our soul can be at rest with our heavenly Father who is with us every step of the way.
He is not surprised or taken off guard.
He is never weak nor tired.
He is trustworthy & abounding in faithful love.
His track record will never change. He is forever reliable.
Our souls can return to rest because of who He is💕

Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.
Psalms 116:7 CSB

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Results Of Obedience (It’s Not Always What You Expect)

The Holy Spirit told me to go get an oil change today. So, I went to 3 different places. One didn’t have the filters, one wanted double the normal cost, and another had no oil! I wondered why He told me to do something if I was unable.


Holy Spirit’s response was:
“It wasn’t the result that I wanted or expected, but you still walked in obedience to what I have called you to do.”


So often God asks us to do something and we expect things to go a certain way and even look a particular way. So, when it does not, we question, “Did I hear God correctly?”. We question if we fully obeyed because our own expectations were not met. Did we miss a step?


In reality, we did exactly as He asked. There is a reward for this, even if we do not see it in the here and now. We can trust that if God asked us, there is reason for it because His will is perfect, even if it’s not the result we expected. Our obedience really is not about the results, it is about trusting in Him.

Scripture:

  • The one who has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. And the one who loves me will be loved by my Father. I also will love him and will reveal myself to him.” -John 14:21 CSB
  • The instruction of the Lord is perfect, renewing one’s life; the testimony of the Lord is trustworthy,  making the inexperienced wise. The precepts of the Lord are right, making the heart glad; the command of the Lord is radiant, making the eyes light up. The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever; the ordinances of the Lord are reliable and altogether righteous. They are more desirable than gold—than an abundance of pure gold; and sweeter than honey dripping from a honeycomb. In addition, your servant is warned by them, and in keeping them there is an abundant reward. -Psalm 19:7-11 CSB