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My Messy Prayers

I have been going through a lonnnnnng season of trial and tribulations. I want to share a little bit of what God has put on my heart and taught me during this season.

He has pointed out many people throughout the bible who have been straight up vulnerable with God. It didn’t matter what they were going through they didn’t leave a piece of their heart hidden from God. Their prayers and calls to God were in deep anguish, agony, and sorrow. We see this throughout the Psalms a lot! Another example that God has had me focus on is in 1 Samuel 1-2.

Often times it wasn’t that I was intentionally keeping what I was going through hidden. I just didn’t want to complain. I didn’t want to be negative. What really happened when I didn’t tell God what was on my heart, was my thoughts of hurt and negativity later spread to my heart and soon my actions began to change. I was no longer acting in the spirit, I was acting in my flesh. In a sense, I was trying be independent instead of relying on God. Instead of speaking to him what was on my heart, I buried it down deep and it blossomed into one ugly rotten mess. Oh man was it a mess. It seems silly now, but I almost didn’t want God to feel like I was burdening him with my problems. What I was doing was keeping God out the equation. I was not coming to a solution because I was hoarding the problem. By not being real with God about what was going on, I was carrying a burden I was never meant to carry. I didn’t give room for God to be God. I was acting in pride. Not being real didn’t allow him to change my heart and see things from his perspective.

God spoke very clearly to me and said:

Be vulnerable with me. Give me enough time for me to speak. Listen to my voice. I already know what you are going to say before you say it. I am not like anyone else. I am not like those who have hurt you. My love is not conditional based upon circumstances. I am the one you can count on. I am like no one else you know. I want every piece of your heart. I am all knowing. I keep my promises. Follow the Spirit. Be a woman of prayer, endless faith, and constant worship.

I’m really not sure where I began to feel like I was “burdening God with my problems” but that is not how God feels when we come to him in surrender. We are never meant to be without the guidance of the Spirit. God wants us to come to him with our prayers being real and raw and messy. He is the one we should be coming to like that. God is the one who can turn the worst situation, feelings, or unpleasant thoughts into a thankful heart.

When we withhold what is truly going on with us from an all knowing, steadfast, everlasting, loving God, we are really cutting ourselves short. We aren’t avoiding complaining. We aren’t avoiding negativity. God wants us completely surrendered in every part of our heart. He wants us to completely trust him and be vulnerable and messy. There is nothing that can surprise him. There is nothing he can’t do. He wants to love on us through our messes. He wants to love on us through our hurt. There’s never a moment he doesn’t want to be with us.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”-Philippians 4:6-7 NLT

 “Because of Christ and our faith in him,we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence.”-Ephesians 3:12 NLT

I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”-Ephesians 3:16-20 NLT

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”-Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV

Side note:I am so sorry I have been sparingly posting on here. College has slowly taken over my life but God is still at work in my heart and life. I try to post a verse of the day every single day on Instagram and Facebook. So be sure to get connected. You can find the links on My Mission & Vision page 🙂 I can’t wait to be able to write more soon but feel free to search through old posts and share what God is doing in your life. I would love to hear from you!

 

 

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Defeating The Lie: I’m Not Clean Enough To Get To Know God

God laid it on my heart these past couple days to talk about how Jesus isn’t looking for us to “get clean” before we ask him in our life. Neither should the church you attend. The church you attend should be showing the love of Jesus by meeting you where you are at, sins and all. None of us our perfect. None.

I have went to different churches with different denominations. Where I have learned the most is where I felt the love of Jesus and was taught biblical principles. I’ve never learned something out of fear or condemnation. We know that fear nor condemnation come from God. Love casts out all fear and God is Love. There’s a big difference between conviction and condemnation. Condemnation is overwhelming guilt that pushes you away from God. Where conviction is where Holy Spirit points out you have something to work on in your heart through love.

When I went back to church in 2015, I was sick and in need of a doctor. In other words, I was consumed by the enemies lies, what people portrayed God to be, overwhelmed by the heaviness of my sin, and just came home from the bar a couple hours before while still battling a pill addiction. I stepped into The River and was very timid and didn’t really want to talk or be seen by anyone. However, I was stopped by 4 amazing women that day that I still love to this day. They knew that I was struggling but loved me anyways, just as Jesus does. I walked into worship and it was completely different than anything I had ever saw. People were free. They held up their hands praising God, weeping, and laying hands on one another. And then Holy Spirit hit me….Like right in the face. Some of you know exactly what I’m talking about! The song we were singing was talking about was about breaking free from addiction and depression.

I am unsure why there is this lie floating around that Jesus expects you to be white as snow when you come to him…probably just one of satans tactics…But, if we were clean and not in need of a doctor, God wouldn’t of went Jesus to die for us. It’s never too late to come to God & you’re never too dirty to come to him either.

“Come now, let’s settle this,” says the Lord . “Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.
Isaiah 1:18 NLT

“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”
1 John 4:18 NLT

We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.
1 John 4:16 NLT

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The Truth Hurts

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I have gotten a few love taps from Holy Spirit this week. He has brought me great conviction in my life. I used to be very apprehensive about correction, discipline, and criticism. However, as I read through scripture I know when I am convicted, God gives me mercy to repent, and grace because I am forgiven because his son Jesus. I have learned throughout scripture over and over how wonderful it is to be corrected. “Only a fool despises a parent’s discipline;whoever learns from correction is wise.”-Proverbs 15:5 

Though, as I am convicted, let’s be honest, it doesn’t feel the greatest! Often times, my heart is heavy, and I may even cry. What we do after conviction is what really counts. We are called to be obedient to God and repent, ask for forgiveness, and ask for his guidance to direct our steps and guide us through this lesson. Are these lessons easy? No! But, what is worth having, that is easy? One of the tools I use is an accountability partner. Having that fellowship with people who let you know if you are doing wrong, is a great tool to have.  Of course, these accountability partners are to do everything in love! Accountability partners also edify you and build you up when you need it most.

The common themes among Proverbs 15 is correction, the tongue, and anger. (There will be more posts to come relating to Proverbs 15) We see that wise people take advice. Make sure, this advice you are taking of course lines up with the Word of God! (Including this blog, read the word yourself!)  Plans fail when there is no counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. -Proverbs 15:2

A lot of the time, my conviction comes with one on one time with Abba. Sometimes, it comes from people who are close to me, or some random person on facebook. (I hope you chuckled at that one!) We all have different types of relationships, which call for different types of boundaries. If the person on facebook, who you randomly met 3 years ago through a mutual friends cousin, is giving you parenting advice on whether or not you should vaccinate your kid…I would listen. Do not disregard what they say…But, It doesn’t mean I would take their advice, unless God laid it on your heart to. If your husband or wife, parents, or anyone who is close to you, speaks to you with concern, and it’s in a loving manner. Listen to them. The truth may hurt, but rejecting truthful and loving insight will only hurt you in the long run. ‘If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.”-Proverbs 15:32

When it comes to correction, it’s not the most warm and fuzzy thing you feel on you Walk With God. The by product, the fruit that grows from the lesson, is worth the discipline. What Father doesn’t want what’s best for their kid? What earthly Father doesn’t correct you when you are wrong and redirect your steps? Not to compare our earthly Fathers, to our Heavenly Father…but if our earthly father can do this for us, surely Abba will. God’s nature is loving and gentle, but just. The conviction will be at the perfect time that you need it. Do not disregard what God is speaking to you, even when it is hard. We have to deny our flesh daily and follow Jesus. “Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.”-Luke 9:23-24

Don’t give up either! You can do this! Just don’t try to do it alone! Use God’s strength and ask Holy Spirit to lead the way. Use an accountability partner. & Remember, God is your #1 cheerleader…He loves you and is always rooting for you to try again, even if you make a mistake.

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