Footholds Archives » Let Love Be My Motive Studio

I have really been thinking about my Grandma Dorsey within these past couple weeks. To the point where I woke up out of a deep sleep. I’ve been up since 3:30am, reminiscing all the wonderful memories we shared together. One thing that has really stuck out to me since she passed in October of 2016 is how my relationship with God has flourished. Back in 2016, I was still struggling with addiction. I didn’t know who I was. I struggled with my purpose of why I was even here. In February of that year, I just left Harbor Oaks, a hospital for suicidal thoughts. I was saved that February and through the many talks with my Grandmother, she continually loved & supported me in my walk, even with not being at a Catholic Church. She struggled with it for a while. Always telling me how I was welcome back and she knew I would come back. Towards the end of her life here on earth, one thing really stuck with me. It was how she grabbed my hand and said, “Now, you stay at that church. It’s okay. Whatever way you focus on what’s important, that’s okay with me.” My Grandma saw that unity in the church was what God was really after. We were all loving on the same God. We were all loving on Jesus. She also knew and saw the change in me before I ever did, Holy Spirit. When I went before a rather large group of people at her showing, something I said really has continually proved itself over the years.

“If I can love her as much as I love her & she can love me as much as she loves me….I can’t even imagine how much God loves us.”

My grandmother showed me the unconditional love of Jesus. She lived every single day like her eternal life depended on it. My grandmother’s love brought me to having a relationship with God.

When she went home, I could no longer depend on her for understanding of biblical principles. I couldn’t depend on her prayers anymore. What really got me was the fact I couldn’t hear her voice and her wise words every day like I used to. But, her work here was complete.

I really believe God used my Grandmother’s passing, to bring me where I am today. She died to save mine. Just as Jesus died to save us. I know that God works everything out for the good for those that are for him. Even in these instances, death.

In the past 2 years God has completely flipped my life upside down. He has changed me from the inside out. My heart is no longer cold or misunderstood. I have the blood of the most high king pumping through my veins.

I am forgiven.

I am loved.

I am healed.

I am precious in the sight of Abba.

I know my purpose .

I am God’s masterpiece.

I am free.

I am a Child Of God.

If you would’ve asked me where I saw myself in 2 years on Valentine’s Day of February 2016. I couldn’t have been able to tell you because my suicidal thoughts haunted me every single moment of every single day. My past taunted me. I used drugs and alcohol to cope. I looked for my value in other people’s opinions and guys who didn’t care about anything other than what I had to offer physically.

Valentines Day, February of 2018 I am in Louisiana, laying next to my wonderful husband that I prayed for since 2014. (Yes, I prayed for years! Totally worth the wait!) While my puppy that I always wanted is laying on the floor. I am currently being discipled to be a Youth Pastor. I am writing a book along with this blog. I have saw miracles of healing and revelation run through my hands and out of my mouth. Holy Spirit has done some work these past 2 years as God called me to be obedient. I will be returning to college and going to Lee University for Ministry Leadership With Emphasis In Counseling. A dream I had before God was at the throne of my heart is now going to be used for his glory.

If my Grandma wouldn’t of went throught what she went through and went to her eternal home when she did, I’m not sure I’d be here today. If I would’ve successfully taken my life when I wanted to, God wouldn’t of had the chance to make me into something beautiful. I feel like some of the greatest people, with the biggest futures, are blindsided by satans lies and take their own life. If my Grandmother wouldn’t of displayed Christ’s love and continually prayed for me, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Without God, I am nothing.

I am forgiven.

I am loved.

I am healed.

I am precious in the sight of Abba.

I know my purpose .

I am God’s masterpiece.

I am free.

I am a Child Of God.

It is only natural for us to be filled with excitement as we are picked out to receive a promotion. We get excited that we are randomly chosen to win NFL tickets in a raffle. We are overjoyed when we randomly get lucky and win $20 on a lottery ticket. What if I told you that you were chosen by God? Being chosen by God, isn’t luck or on accident. He didn’t want you to be an orphan, but his child, his heir!

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”-1 Peter 2:9

Before I knew my identity in Christ, I was like the verse above, identifying myself in darkness. I identified myself in depression that came along with Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, PTSD, Addiction, and *fill whatever here*. When we don’t accept what satan has to offer and replace it with the promises that God provided for us in his word, that’s when we truly start living!

I hear on almost a weekly basis how “There’s no way I could’ve been healed of Bipolar Disorder.” If I start to “feel it come back, go to the doctor”. Often my response is, “While I really appreciate your concern. I know you are saying this because you love me. I’ve been healed by God and I’ll be okay.” Being a Child of God is blessing. I get to love on people who need it most every single day. I am able to show people that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. (“Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, “I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.””-John 8:12) Not only in the process of telling people about God, he lets me be the light in those peoples lives. (“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”-Matthew 5:14-16)

I thought being healed was amazing. But then, God used me as a vessel to pray over people with his perfect timing. It says in The Bible, it says that is more blessed to give and to receive and it’s so true! I’ve saw people give their hearts to God, I’ve witnessed miracles of healing, people giving their financial situation to God and him providing…the list goes on!

All these blessings are because of God. It’s because he said “I need a Tanja” & put me on this earth to write to you this post on how beautiful it is to be chosen by such a loving father! If you are feeling like you aren’t loved today, can I tell you just how loved you are? Will you invite God in and let him show you? If you feel like you can’t handle the circumstances you’re in, will you give it to God? You were never meant to do it alone. If you feel like you’ve done so much wrong in your life, there’s no way God would ever forgive you…Can I say that you are forgiven and you are NEVER too far from God.

God chose you because he wants you. God chose you because he wants to love on you, he’s loved you for a really really really long time! God put you on this earth because he knew you were the only one that could fulfill the purpose he has for your life.

Don’t let satan distract you from who you really are, what God has planned for you, and the authority you have. Don’t settle for sickness when God brings healing. Don’t settle for guilt when you are forgiven. Don’t worry about bills, when God will provide if we do our part. Don’t settle for lies of satan for what Jesus died on the cross!

When you know who you are with God, nothing is impossible. It’s a promise!

“For nothing will be impossible with God.”-Luke 1:37

Reflection: Ask Holy Spirit to reveal who you are and see if what you see yourself as lines up with God’s word. If it doesn’t, replace the lie with the truth of God’s word!

If you have any questions, need prayer, or just want to chat, feel free to contact me!