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-Grandma Dorsey-Why You Impacted My Life On Such A Great Scale-

I have really been thinking about my Grandma Dorsey within these past couple weeks. To the point where I woke up out of a deep sleep. I’ve been up since 3:30am, reminiscing all the wonderful memories we shared together. One thing that has really stuck out to me since she passed in October of 2016 is how my relationship with God has flourished. Back in 2016, I was still struggling with addiction. I didn’t know who I was. I struggled with my purpose of why I was even here. In February of that year, I just left Harbor Oaks, a hospital for suicidal thoughts. I was saved that February and through the many talks with my Grandmother, she continually loved & supported me in my walk, even with not being at a Catholic Church. She struggled with it for a while. Always telling me how I was welcome back and she knew I would come back. Towards the end of her life here on earth, one thing really stuck with me. It was how she grabbed my hand and said, “Now, you stay at that church. It’s okay. Whatever way you focus on what’s important, that’s okay with me.” My Grandma saw that unity in the church was what God was really after. We were all loving on the same God. We were all loving on Jesus. She also knew and saw the change in me before I ever did, Holy Spirit. When I went before a rather large group of people at her showing, something I said really has continually proved itself over the years.

“If I can love her as much as I love her & she can love me as much as she loves me….I can’t even imagine how much God loves us.”

My grandmother showed me the unconditional love of Jesus. She lived every single day like her eternal life depended on it. My grandmother’s love brought me to having a relationship with God.

When she went home, I could no longer depend on her for understanding of biblical principles. I couldn’t depend on her prayers anymore. What really got me was the fact I couldn’t hear her voice and her wise words every day like I used to. But, her work here was complete.

I really believe God used my Grandmother’s passing, to bring me where I am today. She died to save mine. Just as Jesus died to save us. I know that God works everything out for the good for those that are for him. Even in these instances, death.

In the past 2 years God has completely flipped my life upside down. He has changed me from the inside out. My heart is no longer cold or misunderstood. I have the blood of the most high king pumping through my veins.

I am forgiven.

I am loved.

I am healed.

I am precious in the sight of Abba.

I know my purpose .

I am God’s masterpiece.

I am free.

I am a Child Of God.

If you would’ve asked me where I saw myself in 2 years on Valentine’s Day of February 2016. I couldn’t have been able to tell you because my suicidal thoughts haunted me every single moment of every single day. My past taunted me. I used drugs and alcohol to cope. I looked for my value in other people’s opinions and guys who didn’t care about anything other than what I had to offer physically.

Valentines Day, February of 2018 I am in Louisiana, laying next to my wonderful husband that I prayed for since 2014. (Yes, I prayed for years! Totally worth the wait!) While my puppy that I always wanted is laying on the floor. I am currently being discipled to be a Youth Pastor. I am writing a book along with this blog. I have saw miracles of healing and revelation run through my hands and out of my mouth. Holy Spirit has done some work these past 2 years as God called me to be obedient. I will be returning to college and going to Lee University for Ministry Leadership With Emphasis In Counseling. A dream I had before God was at the throne of my heart is now going to be used for his glory.

If my Grandma wouldn’t of went throught what she went through and went to her eternal home when she did, I’m not sure I’d be here today. If I would’ve successfully taken my life when I wanted to, God wouldn’t of had the chance to make me into something beautiful. I feel like some of the greatest people, with the biggest futures, are blindsided by satans lies and take their own life. If my Grandmother wouldn’t of displayed Christ’s love and continually prayed for me, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Without God, I am nothing.

I am forgiven.

I am loved.

I am healed.

I am precious in the sight of Abba.

I know my purpose .

I am God’s masterpiece.

I am free.

I am a Child Of God.

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Speak Up, Speak Life-Being Bold & Courageous and Being Transparent.

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In the years I have been walking with God there are some reoccurring events that he has set before me. Often times, he sets people who are broken just like I used to be and needing exactly what I needed 2 years ago or sometimes even just yesterday. God has placed people directly in my path that need the tools that I have been using to help them become victorious and more invested in their relationship with God. During these times, there has been some really raw, emotional, uncomfortable topics. Such as, I used to be addicted to drugs and alcohol, there was a time in my life I didn’t want to live, and other events such as abuse, trauma, and other things people don’t like to talk about. God has  called me to be Bold & Courageous and be transparent past the point of where I ever thought I would be comfortable sharing. When I started to not care what other people thought and knew that Abba already approves, it what a done deal.

When I started sharing my testimony with people I was terrrrrified. I said ummm or like every couple seconds. Sweaty palms, heavy breathing…you know the works. As I was repeatedly obedient to God, I saw why he was telling me to do the things he was.

I began to see people accept God into their life for the first time. I have saw healing of illnesses that doctors said were permanent. I have witnessed baggage people were never meant to carry and condemnation being lifted and people being freed through what Jesus died for on the cross. When we speak boldly to people about our testimony, it gives others the chance to have the freedom we have found in our relationship with God. It makes them realize they are not alone. You would be surprised how many people are going through exactly what you are going through at this moment but are too scared to speak up.

I’m here to say that sometimes we need to lay aside our fear of disapproval, when God already said he “approves”. Speak up. Speak Life. I am also here to say we sometimes need to lay aside our pride and say we are doing a little rougher than normal instead of the automatic, “I’m good! How are you?” reply.

We are chosen by God to help certain people that really need that transparency. We are also chosen by God to have those people in our lives to love and support us when we need it most. Speak Up. Speak Life.

There is such a thing as guarding your heart because everything flows from it. However, I do believe God doesn’t ever intend for us to put up walls against the things are godly and biblical. Guard your hearts against the things that aren’t of him. We have Holy Spirit to always lead, discern, speak, and comfort us when we need him. We just have to be able to recognize and be obedient the Spirit leads us to do.

For me, being obedient has been Bold & Courageous when I was scared and didn’t want to talk about the wounds or what I was going through at that moment. Not only was being obedient freeing to me, it was freeing for others. Being obedient and transparent has been especially rewarding to me when I see others walking in freedom, truth, and love. Most importantly it shows God just how much we love him.

The devil is really good at lying to us and keeping us in the unknown of what really is going on in the spiritual world when we allow him too. So of course, he will do everything in his power to stop you from being obedient to God and fulfilling your God given purpose. There are also times when maybe its our own flesh and we are scared of what other people think, or we don’t view ourselves the way God see’s us and we don’t have much confidence. (I have been there too.)

Don’t let the anything stop you from being obedient to God. Don’t let anything stop you from helping someone else. Don’t pass up those Ah-Ha moments with God that will fill your heart so much that you will be overwhelmed with tears of joy. & Never forget that you aren’t alone in what you have faced or are facing. Speak up, Speak Life.

 

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Side note: I absolutely love that this picture I found ties into what Holy Spirit used me to write yesterday. (THANKYOU ABBA YOU ARE THE COOLEST!!!) Being Obedient means God could be using you to fulfill someone’s prayer. I don’t think there is anything more rewarding than God wanting you to be that blessing.

Want to check out yesterday’s blog talked about in the photo caption? Here’s the link! *Insert Title Here*