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The Healing Process-How To Survive Your Darkest Days

Pain can be blinding, especially the grief that takes your breath away. There are a few things that I have learned over the past week and a half when dealing with or at least trying to cope with grief. I want to share them with you to help you through your journey.

It is so important to have a ‘tribe’. While I admit, since we had the miscarriage I am dealing with life in strides. I have not reached out as often, but I have had people that surround me with prayer and check up on me from time to time. You and I both need people in our hardest seasons and it is quite lovely to have people who celebrate with you in times where there is much to be celebrated. I have people who have surrounded me in vulnerability about their journey through healing after losing a child. I can go to them and ask the hard questions. Is it normal to have a hard time going to church? Were you mad at God? Is this normal or am I crazy? You need at least one person to help you continue healing. I am reminded of a scripture that says,

“He comforts us in all our affliction,so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” -2 Corinthians 1:4 CSB

Not only is God here to comfort you, he has people on assignment to help you through this. Maybe you aren’t dealing with miscarriage like me. But you are going through something that is causing you to suffer. God has a tribe to help you walk through this. If you feel that you do not have anyone, I would love to pray for you and help you through this. You are not meant to go through this alone.

As I admitted at the top, I have been taking life in strides. I have been living life differently. I do not do as much nor do I talk as much but I have been praying and seeking the Lord a lot more. Which comes to my second point, take your healing at Holy Spirit’s pace. This is not a race. This is more like a marathon. God made us as individuals and we all have different experiences in life which makes it pretty dangerous to compare my healing process and your healing process. There is no timeline on healing, but endurance is necessary to keep going.

“By your endurance, gain your lives.” -Luke 21:19 CSB

“For you need endurance, so that after you have done God’s will, you may receive what was promised.” -Hebrews 10:36 CSB

“Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.” -James 1:2-4 CSB

My last and final point is probably the most important one. I honestly cannot take credit for this because the pain I have been going through completely blinded me to remember to do this (just being honest). I woke up this morning pretty early. Hence why I am writing at 6am. I was awakened by the Holy Spirit bringing an image to my mind. This image was me and a bathtub, overflowing with water and me being fully emerged. Usually when you see yourself underwater this brings fear of you know, drowning. However, I did not feel fear, but peace. I began to pray in the spirit and realized it was time to get up, God was up to something. I came into what I call my prayer room and began to lean into God’s presence. He revealed to me two commandments. One being pray in the spirit and the second being, be washed in the word. Holy Spirit being the amazing helper and counselor he is, spoke to me this scripture,

“But you, dear friends, as you build yourselves up in your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit,” -Jude 1:20 CSB

I was blinded by pain and grief and did not even realize how much I had slowed down on praying in the Spirit. Of course the enemy would attack this area of my life! Prayer not only builds me up but exchanges our will for God’s and implants faith. PRAY IN THE SPIRIT! It is okay to not have all the right words or not even know what to say. We have the perfect helper.

In the same way the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because he intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” -Romans 8:26-27 CSB

When the going gets tough, draw closer to God. Even if it is a centimeter closer than yesterday, draw closer to his heart. You do not have to understand or know everything to draw closer. In him, ultimately, everything is found. He is not reluctant to give you what you need either, just ask. Be washed in the word, pray in the Spirit, and thank God for your tribe. You and I are both going to get through this, one day at a time with our perfect guide on our side.

To My Tribe:

I know many of you are reading this and are apart of my tribe. I want to thank you for pulling me away from the fire as times have gotten tough, breathing encouragement and loving me where I am at. I want to thank you for the time you’ve spent praying. You are making a difference and God see’s the time you have sown into my life. He is healing me day by day and knows I needed you.

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Soaking In His Presence, Literally.

I began to toss and turn at 3:30am, trying to make myself calm down enough so there was a chance I may get some rest before I left for Houston in the morning for a marriage retreat. I knew I needed rest. Not only was my body completely and utterly drained, but my mind was racing. Racing in a way it hadn’t raced in 2 years since I have been healed of mental illness. I knew this worry wasn’t from God.

Yes, I had 4 chapters to read, 3 assignments to complete, a 3 hour drive to Houston, and a marriage retreat to complete. Right then at that very moment, I had a restless mind thinking about the things I had to do later on in the week. *Breathe Tanja, breathe*

I casted all my worries of not being able to finish my homework by the deadlines and was STILL tossing and turning. I looked at my phone, now 4:30am.


I need to de-stress myself. My best way of doing this is a candle-lit hot bath accompanied by a lavender bath bomb. I laid in the tub…at 4:30 in the morning and just closed my eyes, completely vulnerable in the midst of Abba’s presence and spoke, “Okay God, I know that I either need to pray for someone or I need to listen.”


*I intently listened to what God had to say*

God: You need to do this more often…take care of yourself. You know that this anxiety and stress you have been feeling isn’t from me. You keep trying to rest in your own way. But the rest that your body and soul needs is found in me. Only me.

Me: But how am I supposed to get through right now? Am I supposed to stop doing all these things? I thought you called me to do them?

God: You know the saying you always say, “You can’t pour from an empty cup?”

Me: *sighs* Yes…

God: I would rather you take one class and give more to the women and youth you are leading. I will give you the strength till next semester. But rest in me, find your strength in me, and know that I am so proud of you.

All my anxiety seemed to dissipate into the heavenly realm as I soaked in God’s presence. I sat in the candle-lit bath surrounded with peace and plans to prosper.

God spoke a couple things to me:

  1. Stop trying to do thing in my own strength
  2. He can make even anxiety at 3:30am turn into something beautiful. (Literally Soaking in his presence)
  3. I need to have more of an ear to listen
  4. Take one class next semester
  5. I can only find true rest, in him
  6. He will give me strength to get through these next couple weeks
  7. He is proud of the seeds I’ve been planting
  8. Trust in him and his plan

I have not dealt with anxiety like that in 2 years. It was not from God, but he did turn it out for the good and used it for intimate time in his presence. We need to lay everything at his feet and trust in him and his plan. Even if it doesn’t line up with our “graduation date”, his plan is perfect. We can sleep 12 hours and still not be restored because the rest we need is found in him. During quiet time, sometimes we actually need to be quiet. God wants to speak into us. Even if we are struggling to get by, if we ask God for strength, he will give it to us. Last but not least, let us not grow weary in doing good. We will reap what we sow.

Even though I did not get much sleep before the marriage retreat, I wouldn’t of traded that time with God for sleep. I literally soaked in his presence & a supernatural peace came over me as I listened to what he had to say. I casted my cares upon him through prayer and he heard me and spoke.

Is there something you need to lay at his feet today? Or maybe you just need to listen and find rest in him. Either way, he is waiting to hear from you.

“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”-Galatians 6:9 NLT

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”-1 Peter 5:7 NLT

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.
 Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take.”-Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”-Philippians 4:6-7 NLT