I went to Pink Impact @ Gateway Church along with some other amazing women of god this weekend. Let me tell you, Holy Spirit taught every single one of us something this past weekend. I have many moments to share but I want to share a vision God painted for me in worship.
He brought me to these very raw moments of hurt. The times I felt lonely and like no one cared. The moments where I felt no one listening. He brought me to moments where I was abused and confused. He brought me to these moments of sorrow where I was sobbing, broken, and where I felt alone. He took me there and showed me Jesus in the background, weeping. His face was in anguish. I saw in his hand a vile of tears. Each tear I dropped was placed in this bottle.
Jesus spoke to me & said, when you felt the loneliest, I was there.
When you weeped and no one saw or cared to understand your pain, I was weeping with you.
My Child, I feel what you feel. I hurt when you hurt. All those times you thought I wasn’t there. I was.
I know every single tear you have cried. I know every reason you have felt hurt. I am who I say I am. & You are who I say you are.
Do not compare me to your earthly father. This will trip you up. Remember when you called me Abba. Remember your first love for me. Remember my goodness. Remember who I am and who you are in me.
As the worship continued I began to weep and realize that I had it all wrong. The times I didn’t understand, the ones that were the most painful, he wasn’t only there….he was weeping with me.
Even if you have the best Dad in the world, understand NOTHING compares to your heavenly Father.
God not only knows what we are going through, he feels it too. He keeps every single tear we have cried in a bottle.
On the flip side, if he can cry when we cry.
He must rejoice when we rejoice. Abba is a good father.
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”-Psalm 56:8
“Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept.”-John 11:34-35 NIV
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”-Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV
“May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.”-Psalm 119:76 NIV
I have really been thinking about my Grandma Dorsey within these past couple weeks. To the point where I woke up out of a deep sleep. I’ve been up since 3:30am, reminiscing all the wonderful memories we shared together. One thing that has really stuck out to me since she passed in October of 2016 is how my relationship with God has flourished. Back in 2016, I was still struggling with addiction. I didn’t know who I was. I struggled with my purpose of why I was even here. In February of that year, I just left Harbor Oaks, a hospital for suicidal thoughts. I was saved that February and through the many talks with my Grandmother, she continually loved & supported me in my walk, even with not being at a Catholic Church. She struggled with it for a while. Always telling me how I was welcome back and she knew I would come back. Towards the end of her life here on earth, one thing really stuck with me. It was how she grabbed my hand and said, “Now, you stay at that church. It’s okay. Whatever way you focus on what’s important, that’s okay with me.” My Grandma saw that unity in the church was what God was really after. We were all loving on the same God. We were all loving on Jesus. She also knew and saw the change in me before I ever did, Holy Spirit. When I went before a rather large group of people at her showing, something I said really has continually proved itself over the years.
“If I can love her as much as I love her & she can love me as much as she loves me….I can’t even imagine how much God loves us.”
My grandmother showed me the unconditional love of Jesus. She lived every single day like her eternal life depended on it. My grandmother’s love brought me to having a relationship with God.
When she went home, I could no longer depend on her for understanding of biblical principles. I couldn’t depend on her prayers anymore. What really got me was the fact I couldn’t hear her voice and her wise words every day like I used to. But, her work here was complete.
I really believe God used my Grandmother’s passing, to bring me where I am today. She died to save mine. Just as Jesus died to save us. I know that God works everything out for the good for those that are for him. Even in these instances, death.
In the past 2 years God has completely flipped my life upside down. He has changed me from the inside out. My heart is no longer cold or misunderstood. I have the blood of the most high king pumping through my veins.
I am forgiven.
I am loved.
I am healed.
I am precious in the sight of Abba.
I know my purpose .
I am God’s masterpiece.
I am free.
I am a Child Of God.
If you would’ve asked me where I saw myself in 2 years on Valentine’s Day of February 2016. I couldn’t have been able to tell you because my suicidal thoughts haunted me every single moment of every single day. My past taunted me. I used drugs and alcohol to cope. I looked for my value in other people’s opinions and guys who didn’t care about anything other than what I had to offer physically.
Valentines Day, February of 2018 I am in Louisiana, laying next to my wonderful husband that I prayed for since 2014. (Yes, I prayed for years! Totally worth the wait!) While my puppy that I always wanted is laying on the floor. I am currently being discipled to be a Youth Pastor. I am writing a book along with this blog. I have saw miracles of healing and revelation run through my hands and out of my mouth. Holy Spirit has done some work these past 2 years as God called me to be obedient. I will be returning to college and going to Lee University for Ministry Leadership With Emphasis In Counseling. A dream I had before God was at the throne of my heart is now going to be used for his glory.
If my Grandma wouldn’t of went throught what she went through and went to her eternal home when she did, I’m not sure I’d be here today. If I would’ve successfully taken my life when I wanted to, God wouldn’t of had the chance to make me into something beautiful. I feel like some of the greatest people, with the biggest futures, are blindsided by satans lies and take their own life. If my Grandmother wouldn’t of displayed Christ’s love and continually prayed for me, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
I am currently attending a bible study based off of the book: Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by the author, Donald S. Whitney. So far it has been refreshing to hear and do different things to really help with reading God’s word, meditating, therefore being apply to be a doer of the word.
In past posts I really have been pushing to read your bible, meditate on the word, and be a doer of the word. I had one verse in particular stand out to me this morning.
‘For the Kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk; it is living by God’s power.”-1 Corinthians 4:20 NLT
When you read this at face value, what do you receive? When you ask Holy Spirit to dig deeper what do you receive?
If you are a visual person like me, I often write notes down or on index cards. In the book listed above it talked about a meditation map. The map looks a little something like the maps we used in school.
Look familiar? Well mine isn’t as neat as this. Not even close, but it really broadened what I understood in the verse and actually made me dive deeper into other scripture I had stored in my memory. Here is my chart:
Yes, you can read one verse of the bible and get a map this big out of it. Have Holy Spirit reveal a deeper meaning to the verse. When we mediate on God’s word, there is a much higher chance of us actually applying it to our lives. This meditation map really helped me since I’m a visual learner. Holy Spirit really revealed to me I haven’t really even begun to dive into the Word of God. There is a much deeper intimacy he wants to have with us.
What are some tools that help you study, meditate, and apply the word of God?
Feel free to share in the comments or email any ideas you have to Tanja.Lunney@gmail.com to be featured in a post!
How often do we wait, have a breakdown, and then call upon Jesus? Why didn’t I read more and pray more this week? These thoughts ran through my mind this past week as I lay sobbing on my bed for no apparent reason. I had struggled with Mental Illness from a very young age until 2015, when God healed me. Was this depression? Why am I so anxious? The same thought pattern that haunted me years ago, arose from somewhere…I assume the pits of hell because this week was anything but sunshine and roses.
Brad and I are transitioning into something that God has called us to and is apart of our purpose. What a better time for Spiritual Warfare! The devil is just as real as God and will do ANYTHING to stop you from your God-given purpose. What I have realized about spiritual warfare is that it happens slowly and subtly. Then, all the sudden, you are an overwhelmed mess of emotion crying and snoting everywhere.
The devil is REALLY good at placing little thoughts that seem harmless in your mind, that later on can become increasingly reoccurring and even more harmful than the thoughts you fail to take captive. The devil has absolutely no limits. He has attacked my identity, as a Child of God. He even tried to make me believe that God didn’t heal me. Thank God, literally for The Word of God. It is alive & well!!! Once Holy Spirit tapped me on the shoulder, and wiped off my tears, he pointed out that the devil or spirts had NO AUTHORITY over me. I soon rebuked the spirits and felt an overwhelming peace…until I woke up for church the next morning.
As we drove to church I felt a great deal of anger for no reason. I rebuked the spirit and not even 10 seconds later, the spirit showed its ugly head. I really had no idea how to fix this. I had been calling on God, rebuking spirits, getting in my word, and praying like crazy! We arrived at church and I began to sing praises to God. I knew that no matter what I was going through, God is faithful. He will never leave or forsake me. I knew in my heart that singing to him was the best thing I could do at that moment. Even if I felt embarrassed and frustrated with what I was dealing with this past week, I had plenty to be thankful for. I sang my heart out to The Lord, and Holy Spirit took over and I felt the chains being broke off, one by one. I began sobbing and I felt a heaviness being lifted off my heart and shoulders.
Before I walked into church, I prayed out loud that I knew God is strongest when I’m at my weakest. I told him that I was sorry for what was going on, I really didn’t know what was going on but I am giving it to him because this isn’t for me to carry. His burden is light and this felt anything but light.
It is hard to explain to you what happened in the spiritual realm with what happened after I prayed and during worship. However, I can tell you that I not only felt different but I knew that the devil and the spirts cannot stand when we worship God nor can they stand when we call upon the name of Jesus.
Of course the devil didn’t stop there either… I came home fell asleep and woke up with a major cold. Not today satan!!! It is really important for us to know the word of God and to implement his words in our prayers to make them Kingdom prayers. Not only is it important to give it to God through prayer, it is so important to praise God through the storm. We should always come to God with an attitude of thanksgiving, no matter our circumstances. The devil will try to damage your relationship with God whatever way he can. That’s his goal. He wants to take away everything that God has planned for you. He will disguise himself in such a sly way that you may not even realize it is him. He doesn’t come in a red suit with horns! When we pray, praise, and speak the Word of God over our lives, the devil and his buddies don’t have a chance!
As much as this week has been rough, and even though I have really had a hard time being Steadfast (my word of 2018)… I have saw God take a burden I wasn’t meant to carry, and immediately felt lighter in heart and in my soul just by praising Jesus. I have witnessed how correlated our body, soul, and spirit are. I was taught that even when you feel like crumpling underneath the pressures of the world, God is my strength. I was reminded that God keeps his promises and my healing is one of them. As much as I thoroughly enjoy the mountain top, I learn so much through the valley. God really is at his strongest when I am weak.
“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”-2 Corinthians 12:8-10