Let Love Be My Motive

Reflecting The Heart Of Jesus

The world is giving plenty of reasons for you to be fearful during this time. I know that the devil is trying his hardest for the bride of Jesus Christ to follow the rest of the world and shrink back in fear and doubt the goodness of God and his love for his chosen one’s. It is understandable for those who do not know Jesus to get caught up in fear, there is only one living hope and his name is Jesus. I can remember a time before I made Jesus, Lord that I was in a deep pit of depression and hopelessness. But as a believer, you no longer think things of the flesh that bring destruction, you fix your thoughts on the things of the spirit that gives life!  

                “For those whose lives are according to the flesh think about the things of the flesh, but those whose lives are according to the Spirit, about the things of the Spirit. For the mind-set of the flesh is death, but the mind-set of the Spirit is life and peace.” -Romans 8:5-6 CSB

If you are in a place of fear my first question would be, what are you meditating on and what are you feeding yourself? Are you watching the news more than you are feeding yourself the word of God? One speaks to your flesh while the other speaks to the Spirit. While I do think it is wise to keep informed on what is going on. We should be seeking the one who knows all, sees all, and created all. Through the presence of God, hidden things are revealed. When we fix our eyes on HIM, we will be kept in perfect peace.

                “You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You. So trust in the Lord (commit yourself to Him, lean on Him, hope confidently in Him) forever; for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock [the Rock of Ages].” -Isaiah 26:3-4

                Many are concerned about churches closing their doors. I want to remind you that churches began in homes, not the building we see today. We are as children of God, are the bride of Christ. WE ARE THE CHURCH. There is a reason that the body of Christ has so many parts but the same function. He has given us individual gifts for a time as this to come together in our homes and do what the church has always been called to do…PRAY, heal the sick, free the oppressed, worship GOD who is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Just because many churches have been unable to gather in big numbers, does not mean that we should not be gathering in our homes. If two or more gather in HIS name, he is there WITH THEM. For more understanding in this, please read through Acts 2. It is here that we see the New Testament Church and the Holy Spirit falling like fire.

                If you are fearful about being without, God is not one to leave you without. He knows what you need before you need it. Not only that but he is willing and able to supply all of your needs according to his riches and glory.

“And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” -Phillippians 4:19 NKJV

                “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

“So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” -Matthew 6:25-34 NKJV

                If you do not know Jesus, as I said at the top, I can understand why you would be fearful. Jesus is the prince of peace and before I truly made him Lord I was scared, full of shame, hopeless, and in desperate need of saving. Thankfully if that is you, it is simple as believing and calling on the name of the Lord to be saved and these promises are yours!

                For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.” -Romans 10:11-13 NKJV

                The Holy Spirit has spoken to me that the devil wants the church to do nothing more than to look like the rest of the world. He wants to steal our hope and have us shrink back in fear and doubt the Love of God. I have wrote this on the terms of knowing that his weapon shall not prosper and his saints will rise up and speak the truth in love. If you are in fear, it is okay to ask God to help you with your unbelief. Darkness exposed to the light brings light! We see this in the case of the father and the son when he asks Jesus to help him with his unbelief (Mark 9:23-25). This article is written for the purpose of giving you some tools that can help you with combatting fear. Our enemy is not carnal and neither are our weapons.

                For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. -2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV

God is actively working everything out for the good for those who love him (Romans 8:28). There is no reason to fear with a God that is FOR you (Romans 8:31). While the world shrinks back in fear and chaos, may we as believers share the HOPE and PEACE found in Jesus Christ. May we actively share his love with those we meet on a daily basis, planting seeds of light in the darkness.

                “Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world.  There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us”. -1 John 4:17-19 NKJV

More Promises To Speak & Life To Meditate On

  • Psalms 91
  • Hebrews 11
  • Romans 8
  • John 10:10
  • John 16:33
  • Isaiah 53:5
  • Psalms 34

Social distancing has invited everyone to take a step back and *exhale* breathe. Corporate America has been raging and demanding its way for years and years. No one knows how to rest, production has become more important than raising a family, and possessions are a sign of happiness. But if we look deeper, a glance in the heart reveals a much different story. Many people do not want to work as much as they do but feel that they need to provide for their family. So many Americans buy what their hearts desire but often find that this new hip thing has left them just as empty as they were before. I am thankful that many of us can take a step back from society and breathe. I would highly suggest getting off social media as well. You are what you eat, and this includes the many lies of news for views.

I am thankful for social distancing. Many of us are getting the time we need to rethink what is important. Over and over the Holy Spirit has brought to my attention that we need to focus on what is eternal and what won’t perish. The only thing we get to bring into heaven with us is the relationships we built here on earth. Yet many of us are so busy in our day to day life that having coffee with a friend for an hour seems tedious. This is something that God never intended for us. All the commandments are summed up in the following words, LOVE GOD and LOVE OTHERS AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF.

If we take a step back, as we have been given to do so, are we able to love God with all our heart, all our soul, and all our strength in our day to day life? Are we focused on our relationships or have distractions of the world gotten in the way? Are we really loving people, or do they seem like the inconvenience in comparison to our own agenda? And where is God’s will in all of this?

If the coronavirus has taught us anything it should be that life is short and can change drastically in an instant. We have no control over what may happen tomorrow, but we can focus on what God has called us to do today. This may look different for both you and I and even our neighbor. But I do know that each of us has a part to play for the here and now. Take today to refocus on what is eternally important.

I pray that this time where we can distance yourself from the world’s distractions, you do so, and you focus on what God is speaking. I pray that when he speaks, you act. I pray that you get a revelation of how short life is and how important it is to do things that make a difference in heaven. For those who have been slaving away at focusing on what matters in heaven, I pray that you do not grow weary in doing good and see a glimpse of the fruits of your labor. Heaven is going to be a glorious place, but make sure that while you are here on earth you are doing what truly matters.

Scripture To Meditate On:

  • “Teacher, which command in the law is the greatest?” He said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important command. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands.”-Matthew 22:36-40 NKJV
  • “Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.”-James 4:13-15 NKJV
  • Don’t work for the food that perishes but for the food that lasts for eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you, because God the Father has set his seal of approval on him.”-John 6:27 CSB
  • “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” -Matthew 6:19-21 NKJV
  • “Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” -1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT

As I see the chaos surround us, my focus shifts to the things above and I am reminded that this cannot end in anything but victory. The coronavirus has everyone running rampant. In my 26 years of life, this is what seems to making everyone go wild. Honestly, I have been one of those people that kept sharing toliet paper memes because I have not been able to understand why people are freaking out.

And then I felt an impression upon my heart from the Holy Spirit to ask him why people are acting like this is it, this is the end. So I did and to my surprise, what he said brought me to tears.

As a believer, I am not in fear but standing in faith. I know that I am protected by God’s angels that are on assignment for me and no plague can touch our home. I am met with peace as my thoughts are fixed on the things above. That we are apart of one big redemption story, God’s plan for humanity. Psalms 91 has became very real and since us going through a miscarriage I have asked God the hard questions, even being mad at God for something he didn’t do and he has never left me. In fact, he has wrapped me with his grace and mercy, leading me closer to his heart.

But as someone who did not always know God, I remember what it was like to feel hopeless and being filled with fear and anxiety of what could happen next. What comes after life? Is this mediocre life here on earth really all there is?

So when there are people who do not know Jesus (maybe that is you) or maybe you do not have a true revelation of who God is, the devil’s agenda is easily tucked away in your racing thoughts that slowly sink into your heart.

God the Father, Abba, is grieved by those who do not know him and that do not have hope right now. He is also grieved by those who do have hope and have not shared the greatest news ever, The Gospel.

All of the fear, chaos, and distraction, has been the same since the very beginning. The devil attacks us with fear to paralyze us from moving forward into what God has for us. He plants seeds of doubt for us to question the goodness of God and then shames us for it later. He is ugly and a cheap shot. But remember, he does not win!

Coronavirus is real and people are really dying, I am not oblivious to this and neither is God. He wants the church to yield to the Holy Spirit, rising up in faith and doing what he has always called the church to do, PRAY, LAY HANDS ON THE SICK, and KEEP AN ETERNAL FOCUS. This can only be done by continually trusting in him and acting in obedience when he calls us to act, dropping all fear of man and acting out of fear and reverence for the one true God.

Going through a time of pain with miscarrying our first child made me aware that pain and fear is blinding to the truth. So if you are in a place of fear or pain, I encourage you to be washed in God’s word and pray in the spirit.

Below are some scriptures to meditate on. They aren’t just words on a screen. This is the living, breathing, and active WORD of GOD. Declare them over yourself and be assured that God is with you.

Scripture To Meditate On:

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”

Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.
He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
 Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.

 Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.

Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
 No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
In their hands they shall bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
 With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.”
-Psalms 91 NKJV

For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”  The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.

 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.  For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope;  because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.  For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now.  Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body.  For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees?  But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.

 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. -Romans 8:14-28 NKJV

For God has not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. -2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV

And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; they will take up serpents; and if they drinking anything deadly it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover. -Mark 16:17-18 NKJV

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time, casting you are upon him, for he cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. – 1 Peter 5:6-10 NKJV

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind stayed on you, because he trusts in you. -Isaiah 26:3

Some Other Good Ones:

  • Joshua 1:7-9
  • Ephesians 6
  • Psalms 116:3-11
  • James 1:2-4
  • Luke 21:19
  • Isaiah 43:2
  • 2 Corinthians 1:8-10

Pain can be blinding, especially the grief that takes your breath away. There are a few things that I have learned over the past week and a half when dealing with or at least trying to cope with grief. I want to share them with you to help you through your journey.

It is so important to have a ‘tribe’. While I admit, since we had the miscarriage I am dealing with life in strides. I have not reached out as often, but I have had people that surround me with prayer and check up on me from time to time. You and I both need people in our hardest seasons and it is quite lovely to have people who celebrate with you in times where there is much to be celebrated. I have people who have surrounded me in vulnerability about their journey through healing after losing a child. I can go to them and ask the hard questions. Is it normal to have a hard time going to church? Were you mad at God? Is this normal or am I crazy? You need at least one person to help you continue healing. I am reminded of a scripture that says,

“He comforts us in all our affliction,so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” -2 Corinthians 1:4 CSB

Not only is God here to comfort you, he has people on assignment to help you through this. Maybe you aren’t dealing with miscarriage like me. But you are going through something that is causing you to suffer. God has a tribe to help you walk through this. If you feel that you do not have anyone, I would love to pray for you and help you through this. You are not meant to go through this alone.

As I admitted at the top, I have been taking life in strides. I have been living life differently. I do not do as much nor do I talk as much but I have been praying and seeking the Lord a lot more. Which comes to my second point, take your healing at Holy Spirit’s pace. This is not a race. This is more like a marathon. God made us as individuals and we all have different experiences in life which makes it pretty dangerous to compare my healing process and your healing process. There is no timeline on healing, but endurance is necessary to keep going.

“By your endurance, gain your lives.” -Luke 21:19 CSB

“For you need endurance, so that after you have done God’s will, you may receive what was promised.” -Hebrews 10:36 CSB

“Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.” -James 1:2-4 CSB

My last and final point is probably the most important one. I honestly cannot take credit for this because the pain I have been going through completely blinded me to remember to do this (just being honest). I woke up this morning pretty early. Hence why I am writing at 6am. I was awakened by the Holy Spirit bringing an image to my mind. This image was me and a bathtub, overflowing with water and me being fully emerged. Usually when you see yourself underwater this brings fear of you know, drowning. However, I did not feel fear, but peace. I began to pray in the spirit and realized it was time to get up, God was up to something. I came into what I call my prayer room and began to lean into God’s presence. He revealed to me two commandments. One being pray in the spirit and the second being, be washed in the word. Holy Spirit being the amazing helper and counselor he is, spoke to me this scripture,

“But you, dear friends, as you build yourselves up in your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit,” -Jude 1:20 CSB

I was blinded by pain and grief and did not even realize how much I had slowed down on praying in the Spirit. Of course the enemy would attack this area of my life! Prayer not only builds me up but exchanges our will for God’s and implants faith. PRAY IN THE SPIRIT! It is okay to not have all the right words or not even know what to say. We have the perfect helper.

In the same way the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because he intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” -Romans 8:26-27 CSB

When the going gets tough, draw closer to God. Even if it is a centimeter closer than yesterday, draw closer to his heart. You do not have to understand or know everything to draw closer. In him, ultimately, everything is found. He is not reluctant to give you what you need either, just ask. Be washed in the word, pray in the Spirit, and thank God for your tribe. You and I are both going to get through this, one day at a time with our perfect guide on our side.

To My Tribe:

I know many of you are reading this and are apart of my tribe. I want to thank you for pulling me away from the fire as times have gotten tough, breathing encouragement and loving me where I am at. I want to thank you for the time you’ve spent praying. You are making a difference and God see’s the time you have sown into my life. He is healing me day by day and knows I needed you.

Today is a day where I feel that the walls are slowly collapsing all around me. The world around me seems to keep on going at warp speed while my pace is as slow as a turtle. The important thing is that I am still moving. I continue to walk through this season.

Where are you at today? Where is your focus?

I want to encourage you to not look at other people’s paces. I want you to focus on where God is taking you, one step at a time. It is okay to live step by step if you are focused on your perfect guide. What is important is that you continue and walk through, not giving up as the rocks around you begin to crumble. It is easy to get distracted, when it seems like your world is falling apart. This growing process never seems to be quiet or easy. It’s is messy and strenuous. But what if you needed those rocks that seemed to be destroying your world to crumble to make a path over the river that you didn’t know was ahead? Trust your perfect guide.

I don’t have the answers and God has not answered my ‘why’ question. What he has shown me and taught me is that I only see the here and now, while he knows the whole story of redemption. So, today I choose to say, thy will be done. God then reminds me yet again that he is with me as my perfect guide.
We may not ever know all the answers, but I do know that all we need is found in HIM.

May we both not lean on what we feel or even see, but trust in the one that see’s the big picture. The one who is pure love and is working everything out for our good. May we lay down our doubts and fear and run to our refuge during this storm and rely upon his guidance to carry us through.

Scripture To Meditate On:

  • Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. –Psalm 23:4 NLT
  • And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. -Colossians 2:6-7 NLT
  • Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. -Psalm 61:1-2 NKJV
  • When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. -Isaiah 43:2 NKJV
  • Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. -Colossians 3:2 NKJV

Since the miscarriage just over a week ago, I have been battling for what seems like my life. There is the heaviness of a broken heart rather than a peace. I have been sober for 3 years but have been tempted to take back up old ways of living. People mean to support you but tend to say the wrong thing which brings you to a deeper place of sadness. It is a dark place to be. I feel misunderstood and not heard. I feel heartbroken. This place is a place that I have not been in for a long time, these are circumstances that I never have dealt with, and truth be told I have no idea what I am doing.
What has came naturally is writing. It is so much easier for me to write rather than speak. The words just seem to flow when I sit down and begin to type. And once again I am reminded that there is never a moment that God does not use and this will not be wasted.

I was able to have some quiet time with God this morning and it was so refreshing to hear what he was speaking:

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin.  Therefore, let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in time of need.” -Hebrews 4:15-16 CSB

I am weak and I am okay with admitting this. Losing our child after years of praying and standing in faith is by far the hardest thing I have had to deal with in my walk with God. It is an emptiness that I have never felt before. When you are used to overflow, just getting by seems treacherous. The devil has really tried to keep me wrapped in shame. He has tried to make me think that I did something or did not do something to cause our baby to be taken away. He has shamed me for asking God the hard questions, questioning his sovereignty. The devil has taken these moments of weakness as an opportunity to prowl and pounce. He has even tempted me with old habits, pills, drinking, and smoking. He has sent people to sow discouragement and shame and even unwanted attention. The devil is here to steal my hope, the purpose in this, and my worship to God. He is here to kill any good that can come out of this and he most certainly is out to destroy me.

God has brought me so far over the years. It wasn’t me who laid down the bottles and picked up the bible. It was Holy Spirit leading me to repentance and into his love to be saved. But right now, I am surviving day by day and I have come to terms with my weakness.


I am taken back to Hebrews 4:15-16 once again. Jesus is not only interceding for me but sympathizes with me. Jesus is feeling what I am feeling. Therefore I will not be ashamed of what I am going through. He knows and he meets me in my weakness with his perfect strength. Jesus reminds me once again that I am not forgotten, I am loved, and there is purpose in this.

In verse 15, we are given direction to come to Jesus with boldness. So what is boldness? In Greek boldness is the word, parrésia. Which means leaving a witness that something deserves to be remembered, to be taken seriously. Coming to God knowing that he see’s what I am speaking is important, brings a deeper level of intimacy and vulnerability. Not only does he feel exactly what I am going through, he see’s it as important. Somewhere in the midst of heartbreak I seemed to lose this point. I felt that even through I was pouring out my heart before the Lord, what he heard was empty. Which is really just a lie from the enemy. The truth is, God is just and has heard and felt everything that I have.

I am not sure where you are at today friend. Maybe you are dealing with heartbreak just like me, maybe you just feel unheard, or maybe you stumbled across this page in hopes of helping someone else. No matter what, know that Jesus sympathizes with you. He has walked where you have and is currently walking with you, despite how you may feel. He is Emmanuel, God with You. Hebrews 4:15-16 is our invitation to pour out our hearts before the Lord and for us to receive grace and mercy. When we are real with God about all we have been dealing with, boldly proclaiming the stance of our hearts, he does not listen passively. We serve a God who is actively working everything out for our good and who is on our side. What is going on inside of our hearts it important to God. We are his children after all. He will give us help, assistance that meets our urgent situation in the perfect time. But we first must come boldly before the throne.

Questions To Reflect On:

  • What is holding you back from coming boldly before God?
  • How are some ways God has been an ever-present help in your time of trouble?
  • What are some promises/words God has spoken to you that is helping you get through this time? (Share them in the comments)

More Scripture To Meditate On:

  • Psalm 46:1
  • 1 Peter 2:22-23
  • Psalms 34:17
  • 2 Corinthians 12:9
  • Psalms 55:22
  • John 16:33

Losing our child has been devastating. It has been something that has made me ask the hard questions. It’s made me question the goodness of God and his faithfulness. Mainly because we do not understand why. I did cry out to God in the midst to help me, help our child. I did ask him to raise our baby from the dead in faith.

If faith could’ve saved our baby, he would still be here.

So here we are, wondering how such a great God could let us suffer through this. I was angry, hurt, sad, and quite confused. But God came to my rescue once again after I got real with what was going on inside of my heart.

And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”
Matthew 27:46 NKJV

Jesus, God’s child, hung on the cross and asked the same question. “God, why have you forsaken me?”. So why did I feel such guilt for asking the same question? The devil does not stop when you are at your weakest, he goes in harder. He wants nothing more than to make me believe the lies that God is not good and he is not there. My circumstances make it seems like these things are true. Like Jesus, the pain is so deep that it is hard to see past it.

For me, It has always been easy to hear God. I love him, I love his word, and have dedicated myself to communion with him. When I was pouring out blood in the cold bathroom, having contractions, crying out to God in pain, he was oddly quiet.

Where are you God?

God, my God! Why would you abandon me now? Why do you remain distant, refusing to answer my tearful cries in the day and my desperate cries for your help in the night? I can’t stop sobbing. Where are you, my God? Yet I know that you are most holy; it’s indisputable. You are God-Enthroned, surrounded with songs, living among the shouts of praise of your princely people.
Psalms 22:1‭-‬3 TPT

It has been four days and I am still crying out the same way. Where are you? I need you. I know who you are, just say the word. Help me. Rescue me.

Besides losing a child this is hard because I had an expectation for our baby to happy and healthy. I had an expectation for things not to be this way. Right now, I don’t see good fruit.

Where are you God?

He’s here with me. He is reminding me that he is weeping as I weep. He is reminding me that he gave up his son to close the gap to have a relationship with him and that was painful for him to endure. God has shown me that having lost children here on earth is just as painful as losing our child. Which has shown me how big and strong he is. God has never left. However, the devils lies seem believable. He is a great liar. He twists the truth and he is working overtime to have us turn away from God and run right into his plan to kill, steal, and destroy.

God told me I was chosen for this. One of the things I asked him was if I was ‘chosen to have a miscarriage’. While yes, I miscarried. Changing my perspective from an earthly perspective to a heavenly one has shifted my heart. I wasn’t chosen to have a miscarriage, I was chosen to have a baby in heaven. Our baby, tater tot, will never feel the pain and suffering that we are feeling right now. He woke up in perfection. He will never wander the world, he was born right into Abba’s arms.

We as the church need to stop hiding behind the facade that life isn’t hard. We need to stop hiding behind the mask that God see’s so clearly through and ask him the hard question. If Jesus asked hanging on the cross where he was, feeling forsaken, why wouldn’t I? It was only when I came boldly before the throne, being raw with him, that I felt the burden lift. God’s thoughts and ways are much higher than ours. There are things that we may never understand. Just because you or I questioned why, doesn’t mean that we are straying. Asking the hard questions is a gateway to draw us closer, to know God more intimately.

I am here to give God glory, I promised him when he gave us a child I would. I am keeping my vows to him & he will keep his promises to me. Faith and belief did not save our child because it was God’s plan for our baby to be in heaven. It was God’s purpose for me to share this journey with you. I know it’s not going to be easy.

If you have hard questions, ask God. He is the only one who can give you the truth. When I brought what I was truly feeling to the surface, God’s light shown through. He reminded me of who he is and defeated the lies of the enemy. It is up to us to ask God the hard questions. He is ready for it, he knows our hearts, and our thoughts before we ever speak them. Do not be ashamed, this is only a tactic of the enemy to trap you in lies and carry burdens you were never meant to carry.

Be real. Tell God how you are feeling. This is an invitation for him to remind you of his truth, goodness, and faithfulness even in the darkest of times.

We see all throughout the bible the references to nature. Tree’s, the stars in the sky, seeds, harvests, and so much more. Why do we see this so much? One, I believe that God is a genius so he has given us examples throughout his word that we can see easily. He always knows when we need help! When we see a bird flying in the air, we can be reminded of his provision. When we see storms, we can be reminded that they do not last forever. The Holy Spirit really helped me out today in two verses in Isaiah 55.

Isaiah 55:12-13

You will indeed go out with joy and be peacefully guided; the mountains and the hills will break into singing before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush, a cypress will come up, and instead of the brier, a myrtle will come up; this will stand as a monument for the LORD, an everlasting sign that will not be destroyed.-Isaiah 55:12-13

When we make Jesus the Lord of our life, we no longer hold onto our old way of living. Heart transformation has taken place and we are now a new creation. Our roots are now in a different ecosystem, the realm of heaven. We are now new creations and our roots should be growing down deep into Christ. We see in verse 12 that even the mountains and hills break out in praise when repentance takes place. The trees of the field will clap their hands as all of this takes place. What is amazing to me is that in these two verses the profound facts of not only the tree’s. But that God uses tree’s in his word to represent our new life found through salvation given to us through Jesus Christ. Looking at verse 12, it is now revealed to us through the Holy Spirit that all of heaven rejoices from those who makes Jesus their Lord.

Do you remember the Parable of The Sower? In Matthew 13 Jesus talks about his word falling upon different types of ground. Such as someone who hears the word of God and does not understand it the enemy snatches it away, this is the one along the path. The person who hears the word of God and immediately hears it with joy but has no deep roots, this is the one that has a rocky ground and it is short lived. The last two examples are both in Isaiah 55 and The Parable of The Sower. Jesus talks about the one sown among thorns, this is one who hears the word but is caught up in the world and the deceitfulness of wealth which in turn makes it unfruitful. Then finally comes the example of good ground. The one sown on good ground hears and understands the word and yields much fruit.

In Isaiah 55, God uses the examples of us as trees when our roots are grown down deep into him. Instead of a thorn bush we will be like a cypress tree. What is amazing about a Cypress tree is that they have extensive root systems that makes them able to adapt to any environment. They are free from disease and pests and can easily tolerate high winds and ice storms. These cypress trees bloom anywhere they are planted. When we have our roots growing down deep into Christ and his word, we are no longer easily carried away by the wind. We are not a tumble weed, we are a cypress tree with a firm foundation and rooted into God himself. When the storms of life try to take us out, we will not be overtaken because our extensive roots. They are firm, strong, and unbreakable. We are able to easily adapt to new environments because of our life-giving source, God himself. As a Cypress tree, a new creation, we are able to bloom where we are planted all because we lean into God and his word once again.

God then talks about us not being a brier, but a Myrtle. A brier is just another thorny bush. Remember the parable of the sower? What is interesting about a Myrtle is that there are different stages that this tree goes through in all different seasons. This tree’s flowers need to be pruned so it can reach it’s max capacity in fruitfulness. Just as the Lord prunes us of things that will not make us yield much fruit. Another interesting fact is that the myrtle tree’s seeds last even through the winter. Just as we will never have a season that is unfruitful when we are rooted in Jesus Christ. At all times we have access to not only living water but the bread of life! God used a myrtle tree also because of the easily germinate seeds of this tree. If you are like me you have no idea what germinate meant. To germinate means to cause a seed to easily sprout wherever it is planted. Just like you and I, God takes the seeds we plants and gives it growth. The most beautiful thing about the myrtle tree is that the leaves itself are used to heal. How beautiful is it that God uses us to be messengers of the Good News to heal the nations?

When our roots are grown deep into Jesus Christ, we are like both the cypress tree and the myrtle tree. We are not easily blown away in the storms of life and we are fruitful in every season. Time is never wasted, we go through seasons in life to prepare us for what is to come next. The seeds we plant, God will always give the growth. Pruning may be painful but man does it make us fruitful! We are called to share the Love of God because as it has healed our hearts, it will heal so many others. As a cypress and myrtle tree, a new creation, a Child of God, we are an “everlasting sign that will not be destroyed”.

You my friend, are a mighty cypress and delicate myrtle tree. Let God’s word grow down deep into good soil. Hear the word of God, ask for wisdom, and apply it to your life. God wants you to linked up with his root system to be strong and mighty, heal the nations, and plants seeds no matter where you are planted or what season you are in!

Further Scripture Study:
• Matthew 13
• Colossians 2:7-9
• Ephesians 3:17-19
• Isaiah 41:19
• Isaiah 44:23
• Jeremiah 13:11
• Psalm 1:1-3

Explaining to people that God led you to quit your job as a store manager to write is always fun. I have gotten many different reactions. But honestly, none of that matters.

One of the questions I was asked recently was, “Is writing fufilling?”. I answered back without any doubt, yes. But this question and answer continued to linger in my mind. Why is writing so fulfilling to me? When I was dealing with a brain injury, it hurt my heart not to write. Even journaling was hard, but I could not live a day without writing something. It was then that I was sure that writing for the Kingdom of God was not wasted & my one true purpose.

God has been kind enough to show me glimpses of the fruit that has been harvested through his words typed through my fingertips. Nothing has been more fulfilling in my life than writing to you here, writing books, and spreading what God is speaking.

Why is writing so fulfilling to me? Why does my heart ache when I can’t write? God pointed out, as clear as black and white through the words of Jesus.

Jesus said to them, My food (nourishment) is to do the will (pleasure) of Him Who sent Me and to accomplish and completely finish His work.
John 4:34 AMPC

And through David,

I delight to fulfill your will, my God, for your living words are written upon the pages of my heart.”
Psalms 40:8 TPT

Both Jesus and David were only fulfilled by doing the will of God for their life. You are I are only going to be fulfilled through carrying out the will of God. Now I am not saying that doing the will of God will be easy nor will it be comfortable. What I am saying is that doing anything other than what God has called you to do in this moment is a waste of precious time. Time is something we can never get back. It is wise for us to evaluate what God is commanding for us in this moment. What do you have for me today Lord?

Doing the will of God for you today could be as simple as praying for an extra 30 minutes for your pastors, speaking a kind word to the grocery store clerk, or feeding the homeless man sitting on the curb.

When you hear Holy Spirit speak, act.

You will see the gratification that comes from doing the Lord’s will. The most beautiful thing about doing as he speaks is that you are a vessel to show his love all over the world. He uses us if we just say yes!

Finding true fulfillment is only done through purposing to do God’s will for your life each and every single day. Pay attention to the little whispers of Holy Spirit and act. Do not focus on other people’s responses. Know that what God is asking you to do is a seed that is being planted and he is the one giving the growth. What God is asking you to do today has an eternal impact. Jesus has lived this out. Our perfect example himself has said, true nourishment to the soul is only done through the carrying out the Will of God.

Book Information

  • Title: Moving Beyond Anxiety: 12 Practical Strategies To Renew Your Mind
  • Author: David Chadwick
  • Publisher: Harvest House Publishers
  • Publishing Date: April 21st 2020

Book Review

Moving Beyond Anxiety is a biblical and practical way to move from anxiety and into the inheritance of peace that the Lord has left us with. I do enjoy the practical ways that are displayed throughout the pages. However, the writing style of Chadwick was quite choppy. It felt drawn out rather than enticing. I think the guts of this book are great. Anxiety is something that God has not called us to live with and I’m glad to see the church rising up! I do think that references to scripture when explaining the examples would strengthen the overall feel of Moving Beyond Anxiety. I also think the writing style, instead of choppy. short. sentences., you can also add emphasis to your points with emotionally captivating words! As I said, I love the guts of the book. I was, however, not a fan of the style in which it was written. Overall, I give this book 3/5 stars.

A big thank you to Harvest House Publishing for the advanced copy before it is published in April. As well as David Chadwick for opening up about the much needed topic of anxiety. I look forward to seeing where the Lord leads you.

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