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3 Book Recommendations For Those Battling Infertility And Have Endured Pregnancy Loss

One thing that has brought me great comfort is hearing of other people’s journeys through infertility and child loss. It often feels lonely and shame tries to wrap us so tightly as we attempt to navigate life from a place we never thought we would be in. After reading several books and devotionals over the past couple years, I wanted to share them all in one place for you to find. In hopes, that maybe you too, will have a safe place to ask questions, find comfort, and see you aren’t alone in this.

My Favorite Recommendation- Unexpecting By Rachel Lewis

I love this book for the sheer fact that you hear from both husbands and wives throughout the pages. This book made me realize that I was rushing through grief with busyness and not allowing myself to feel the weight of losing our children. It has great insight for those, like myself, who battle infertility and have had multiple child losses. Unexpecting is a masterpiece. Lewis covers many topics such as, questioning faith, mental health, caring for your body, understanding boundaries, parenting after loss, pregnancy after loss, and handling grief triggers. The author and stories of other women who have endured child loss are displayed throughout the pages with raw emotions and empathy. Unexpecting is broken up into four sections, Loss, Lament, Love, and Legacy. Each section ends with journal prompts. I cannot rave about this book enough. It introduced me to be able to hold space for my grief, understand my husbands perspective, and brought deep healing to my soul that desperately needed it. Unexpecting is a book I would recommend to anyone who is dealing with infertility or who has dealt with losing a child and/or multiple children through pregnancy loss.

My Favorite Devotional- Grieving The Child I Never Knew By Kathe Wunnenberg

Grieving The Child I never Knew was a devotional I picked up a couple months into grief. Kathe’s devotional(s) for each day are short but very thought provoking. Grieving The Child I Never Knew made me confront the children I truly lost and the unhealthy coping mechanisms I was using to avoid the pain. There are questions that are after each day that help you have self-awareness. From the cover to the pages filled inside are full of gentleness, wisdom, and healing. I would recommend this devotional to someone who wants to take small steps. The days are impactful but no overwhelming to someone who is either new to grief or like me, who had a very hard time with dealing with the actual impact of child loss.

My Favorite Book For Those Battling Infertility- Longing For Motherhood: Holding Onto Hope In The Midst of Childlessness- Chelsea Patterson Sobolik

Longing For Motherhood is one of the best books I have found on infertility so far. It was equally convicting as it was comforting. Oftentimes infertility and lack of motherhood can feel like an identity or an ailment. Chelsea talks about this with wisdom and elegance. She touches on the loneliness we can feel in longing for motherhood, the heartache that comes with motherlessness, and brings freedom and healing to those who may have been hurt by the church in the midst of infertility.  

A Gift From Me Let Love Be My Motive & Studio

I pray that each of these resources bring you hope and healing. I do want to add that here at Let Love Be My Motive, we also have been creating stickers, bookmarks, and other gifts for you. If you have lost a child or are battling infertility, you can email us at letlovebemymotive@gmail.com for a free gift or can browse our shop here.

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 Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken Finding Forgiveness and Restoration (UPDATED & EXPANDED) | Cindy Beall – Book Review

Book Information

Title: Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken Finding Forgiveness and Restoration (UPDATED & EXPANDED)

Author: Cindy Beall

Publisher: Harvest House Publishers

ISBN:  9780736984720

Book Review

Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken by Cindy Beall was originally written many years ago and has now been updated and expanded. I love that message is the same throughout this book, you can trust God through the betrayal you are feeling. Cindy talks about the deep betrayal of her husband’s pornography addiction that later led to her husband, who happened to be a pastor, to have a baby with a mistress. She explains the process of the initial grief and the redeeming work of God’s hand in their marriage.

I love that this book is filled with authenticity and vulnerability. Cindy is not shy about the hard work it takes to be committed to marriage. The Beall’s testimony is an example of what is possible with God and a servanthood marriage after devastation. Their marriage is a work of God and what it means that He exchanges beauty for ashes.

Overall, Healing Your Marriage When Your Trust is Broken is a unique book that can help guide hurting marriages back to the healer Himself. The only downside to parts of the book are there is uses of “get over it” and “move on” that could be hurtful to those who are just learning of their spouses betrayal. You can see Cindy’s heart throughout the book is not the same language that is conveyed overall. The strongest parts of the book are the questions that were asked to other couples that had also endured broken trust. To have a variety of backgrounds and different scenarios reaches a greater audience.

Overall, Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken (Updated & Expanded) has very helpful tools for those who are just beginning to walk in their healing journey and marriages 10 years in alike. I do recommend this book to spouses who are hurting after marriage betrayal. I do advise those reading to continue you reading past the hard to hear parts of this book. It seems Cindy’s heart is one who sympathizes deeply with those who have been hurt. However, at different parts of the book it can be taken as someone who is telling you to just get over it or there is no hope for the couples who don’t have a spouse as willing to work at marriage recovery. I encourage you if you continue to read, you will see that her heart is to help.

Bottom line, this book is a reminder that you are not alone, marriage restoration is possible, and God is trustworthy, no matter where you are in your recovery journey.

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Dear Momma With No Living Children, You Are Not Alone.

“I feel like no one understands…”, I thought to myself as I reflected on supports groups online and in person. I was surrounded with people who knew the pain of losing a child(ren) all too well. Yet, all of them had living children. There was a group of women who sat silently each session in hopes of someone understanding when it was not possible. Those that surrounded them just weren’t experiencing what they were.

Let me be clear, if you have lost a child and have current living children, I cannot possibly understand what it is like for you. I have not experienced what you have. The same goes for women who have only children in heaven. This DOES NOT make our grief less or more. Our griefs aren’t comparable. We just simply have not walked the same path and had the same experiences and this is okay. Your grief is still valid and my grief is valid too.

As I continued to reach out for love and support, I have continued to hit this hurdle that had left me more isolated rather than supported. I have left support groups that have left me empty rather than comforted. I have had posts declined because grief without living children is different than most people can understand. Yet, I knew that because there is such a huge gap, there needed to be a solution. My friend, if you are in front of this screen right now with only children in heaven, I want to know I understand what you are feeling. I understand what it is like to feel forgotten and the pain of empty arms and wombs. I understand the pain that comes with seeing other women with families, not out of jealousy or resentment, but a void you feel so deeply. I am sorry you have felt this way when you have reached out for help. I know what it is like to question if you are a mother because the only evidence you have are the stick’s you peed on and the memories that seem so close, yet so far away. I understand all to well the thankfulness you feel in your heart for women who reach out to you with families, but the emptiness you feel because there is a margin of us who seem to be hidden. What I want you to tuck in your heart Momma is that you are not alone and support is here. Your feelings are valid. Your unique grief is valid. You deserve love and support with the unique grief you are feeling.

You arms and heart wish to be filled with the babies you have lost. You long for your home to be filled with laughter, tears, and mess. When you go to sleep each night you wonder what could have been of the family you have given birth to multiple times. Is that what it feels like to birth empty promise? The promise you have hope for and dream of. The promise that is given but seems like it has been stolen away. My sister, these feelings are valid. Just because there is a group of women who have living children who cannot possibly understand, does not mean they are not hurting too. It just means we are hurting in different ways and this is okay.

What we do all have in common is the a God who loves us so much that He lost His only Son to show us. We have a heavenly father who is willing to sit with us in the ashes and remind us that we still have our crown. We have a father who wants to bind up our broken heart and comfort us through our deepest despair. We have a God who knows the very number of hairs on our head and sympathizes with us on an individual and intimate level. When it feels like no one understands, this is a perfect invitation to come before the only one who possibly could. I encourage you to pour your heart out upon the feet of the Father today. Be unreserved about what you are truly feeling. He knows your thoughts and wants you to cast your cares because He cares. When you share with Him your heart, He will open the floodgates of his love, peace, and understanding. He will sit with you in the ashes.

**If you are a mother of loss with no living children here on earth, sign up for our emails for a support group coming soon. You are not forgotten and you are so loved!

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Jesus, Take My To Do List.

Mary and Martha are two of my favorite women in the bible. (Are we allowed to have favorites?) Like you, I am sure you relate to Mary’s love for time spent in God’s presence and her vulnerability to weep at His feet during hard times. While you also carry the intentionality of Martha at times, being worried about many things. After all, everything has a time and a place! Throughout scripture, we are brought to the examples of these two women and even their brother Lazarus. They are known by Jesus as His beloved friends.

After a time of prayer this morning, I sipped on my lukewarm coffee and began the journey with the Holy Spirit to the example of Mary and Martha in Luke 10.

While they were traveling, he entered a village, and a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home.  She had a sister named Mary, who also sat at the Lord’s feet and was listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks, and she came up and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to serve alone? So tell her to give me a hand.” The Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has made the right choice, and it will not be taken away from her.” -Luke 10:38-42 CSB

Once again, I was faced with a revealed truth of the heart of both Mary, Martha, and my own. We weren’t so different after all. There are many times that I come into the Lord’s presence without being fully present. There are dishes to do, a dog barking, the cat’s litter box needs to be changed, and when is that package coming in? Didn’t I make plans today? Where is my phone? Planner? Very quickly our heart filled with desire to meet with the one who loves us most is crowded with our to do list. Martha desired to please Jesus with a clean home and only the best food. This was the least she could do! After all, she welcomed Him in her home. However, Jesus was only after one thing. He was not after what was on the outside, but the posture of her heart.

We desire to be like Mary and forget about the to do list that never ends. So often, we end up thinking like Martha-more concerned on the less important. To Jesus, He simply loved that she invited her in. He was less concerned about the cobwebs in the corner and the never-ending crowd that chased Him. He was fully attentive to both Martha and Mary and He desired them to be the same. The truth is my friend, Jesus desires an attentive heart more than a spotless home and a checked off to do list. It is only through time spent in His presence that we can be fully satisfied.

Jesus pointed out that Martha was worried about many things. Those ‘many things’ He was not concerned about in comparison to the time that He desired to spend with Her. My friend, what area of your life is He calling you out from busyness to spend time with Him? Whatever area this is, do not feel guilty for laying it down. Time is one of the most beautiful gifts that God has given us to steward. While our heavenly Father gives us His full attention, we must be intentional about being present in His presence. The ‘many things’ of our life are not important in comparison to the time spent with Him and that is through His eyes. He desires to spend time with you. He desires you to learn more and more about His heart and even your own in the process.

Invite the Holy Spirit to lead your path, even if that means crossing off things of your to do list. I know for people like me who schedule by the hour, this can be very difficult. What I have come to find and experience is that when I put Him first, the rest is order. From the overflow of His presence, we are not given more time. What we are given is a better way to steward of the time that has been gifted.

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Deeply Devoted-Devotion That Lasts For Generation’s To Come

“I promise you that as this wonderful gospel spreads all over the world, the story of her lavish devotion to me will be mentioned in memory of her.” -Mark 14:9 TPT

The statement above was right out of the mouth of Jesus. He was speaking about Mary after she has just received criticism for pouring a very expensive perfume all over the head of Jesus which in turn prepared him for burial that was soon coming forth. Wouldn’t you love for this to be apart of your testimony once your life passes away here on earth? Your devotion to God being so profound that it is talked about for generations to come. While I do not solely think being talked about for generations to come is a good motive. I do believe that our surrender to our heavenly father should be so deeply rooted in heaven’s bliss that others can’t help but realize that the God we serve is as good as it seems. Our devotion should express the deep love that he has for us and that we share in return.

If today was your last day here on earth, what would your hearts devotion say about you?

We see in the life of Mary that she constantly chose what Jesus said was important, laying at his feet (Luke 10:39-42) and devoting all she had to God even with the risk of criticism. Jesus is after the same thing he was many years ago, our whole heart. He does not just want a piece of our heart when it is convenient, he wants us to be unrelentless with our devotion to him.

This is going to look different for every single one of us. Which is why it is so important for your heart’s motivation to be pure! If we seek the applause of other’s this can bring us to shambles. In the case of Mary’s devotion, she received criticism from those closest to her, like her sister. This could have derailed what God had for Mary. But Jesus stood up for her once again in the midst of her laying all she had at his feet. Another example of this is the widow and the two coins.

Sitting across from the temple treasury, he watched how the crowd dropped money into the treasury. Many rich people were putting in large sums.  Then a poor widow came and dropped in two tiny coins worth very little.  Summoning his disciples, he said to them, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others.  For they all gave out of their surplus, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had —all she had to live on.” -Mark 12:41-44 CSB

What the world would have saw as little, two coins, the Lord saw as all she had. Comparison has been the death of many dreams and stolen joy for ages. Let’s refuse together to not compare our journey with anyone else. The heart of Jesus repeats itself here. Jesus was after all she had, not just the left overs.

For me, ‘all I have’ is writing to you, investing in writing, taking care of my husband and our home. For you your “all I have” is going to look different, but is significant in the kingdom of God and in the heart of Jesus. I want you to encourage you today to give to him all you got! Our heavenly father see’s our heart and knows the role we have in his redemption story. May we take each day as an opportunity to grow in deep devotion towards our heavenly father, giving him all we have, and all of our hearts.

Reflection Question’s

  • Where does your devotion to the Lord stand right now?
  • How can you grow closer to the heart of the Father?
  • Why is it so important to not listen to the criticism’s of the world and focus on what Jesus is speaking?
  • What is your “all you have”?