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3 Book Recommendations For Those Battling Infertility And Have Endured Pregnancy Loss

One thing that has brought me great comfort is hearing of other people’s journeys through infertility and child loss. It often feels lonely and shame tries to wrap us so tightly as we attempt to navigate life from a place we never thought we would be in. After reading several books and devotionals over the past couple years, I wanted to share them all in one place for you to find. In hopes, that maybe you too, will have a safe place to ask questions, find comfort, and see you aren’t alone in this.

My Favorite Recommendation- Unexpecting By Rachel Lewis

I love this book for the sheer fact that you hear from both husbands and wives throughout the pages. This book made me realize that I was rushing through grief with busyness and not allowing myself to feel the weight of losing our children. It has great insight for those, like myself, who battle infertility and have had multiple child losses. Unexpecting is a masterpiece. Lewis covers many topics such as, questioning faith, mental health, caring for your body, understanding boundaries, parenting after loss, pregnancy after loss, and handling grief triggers. The author and stories of other women who have endured child loss are displayed throughout the pages with raw emotions and empathy. Unexpecting is broken up into four sections, Loss, Lament, Love, and Legacy. Each section ends with journal prompts. I cannot rave about this book enough. It introduced me to be able to hold space for my grief, understand my husbands perspective, and brought deep healing to my soul that desperately needed it. Unexpecting is a book I would recommend to anyone who is dealing with infertility or who has dealt with losing a child and/or multiple children through pregnancy loss.

My Favorite Devotional- Grieving The Child I Never Knew By Kathe Wunnenberg

Grieving The Child I never Knew was a devotional I picked up a couple months into grief. Kathe’s devotional(s) for each day are short but very thought provoking. Grieving The Child I Never Knew made me confront the children I truly lost and the unhealthy coping mechanisms I was using to avoid the pain. There are questions that are after each day that help you have self-awareness. From the cover to the pages filled inside are full of gentleness, wisdom, and healing. I would recommend this devotional to someone who wants to take small steps. The days are impactful but no overwhelming to someone who is either new to grief or like me, who had a very hard time with dealing with the actual impact of child loss.

My Favorite Book For Those Battling Infertility- Longing For Motherhood: Holding Onto Hope In The Midst of Childlessness- Chelsea Patterson Sobolik

Longing For Motherhood is one of the best books I have found on infertility so far. It was equally convicting as it was comforting. Oftentimes infertility and lack of motherhood can feel like an identity or an ailment. Chelsea talks about this with wisdom and elegance. She touches on the loneliness we can feel in longing for motherhood, the heartache that comes with motherlessness, and brings freedom and healing to those who may have been hurt by the church in the midst of infertility.  

A Gift From Me Let Love Be My Motive & Studio

I pray that each of these resources bring you hope and healing. I do want to add that here at Let Love Be My Motive, we also have been creating stickers, bookmarks, and other gifts for you. If you have lost a child or are battling infertility, you can email us at letlovebemymotive@gmail.com for a free gift or can browse our shop here.

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Learning To Lament: The Example Of David

Some situations require us to lament. To lament is also known as grieving with passion. God hurts when we hurt and our hearts should grieve when we sin against him.

David was a prime example of this. In fact, most of the Psalms he wrote were laments. Another example of this you can study in 2 Samuel 11 & 12.

David sinned against God through adultery, drunkenness, and murder. His response when confronted with the weight of his sin was to acknowledge it. As David acknowledged what He had done and the consequences that would follow because of it, he lamented. He weeped on the floor and did not move  and refused to eat.
After David’s son had passed away, he then changed his clothes and went to the house of the Lord to Worship.

God doesn’t expect us to not grieve or mourn. In fact, he desires us to invite Him into the places that hurt the most. He does not stand in a corner while we weep but mourns with us. He bandages up the wounds of the brokenhearted.

Come before Him today with your laments. Grieve with him and welcome in the great comforter in the midst of suffering. There will soon be a day where it will be time to rejoice and dance. But there is also a biblical season of weeping and mourning.

••Then David got up from the ground. He washed, anointed himself, changed his clothes, went to the Lord ’s house, and worshiped. Then he went home and requested something to eat. So they served him food, and he ate.  His servants asked him, “Why have you done this? While the baby was alive, you fasted and wept, but when he died, you got up and ate food.”  He answered, “While the baby was alive, I fasted and wept because I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let him live.’  But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I’ll go to him, but he will never return to me.”
2 Samuel 12:20‭-‬23 CSB

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I Have Grace For You Today (Devotional)

As we head into a new week, Holy Spirit tucked this gentle reminder in my heart-
I have grace for you today.

Whatever you feel like you are lacking or in need of, He is the fufillment. If you feel like you are falling short in strength, you can draw from His. When the world tries to scream weakness is wrong and shame you from admitting you need help, Jesus is extending His hand and heart reminding you His grace is sufficient in times of weakness. When you are weak, He is strong.

Let us go on remembering through each moment, there is grace for us today. God is not ashamed of our weaknesses, he wants to be our strength through them.

‘I have grace for you today’ -Abba

For if I want to boast, I wouldn’t be a fool, because I would be telling the truth. But I will spare you, so that no one can credit me with something beyond what he sees in me or hears from me, especially because of the extraordinary revelations. Therefore, so that I would not exalt myself, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to torment me so that I would not exalt myself. Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times that it would leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and in difficulties, for the sake of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:6‭-‬10 CSB

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Dear Momma With No Living Children, You Are Not Alone.

“I feel like no one understands…”, I thought to myself as I reflected on supports groups online and in person. I was surrounded with people who knew the pain of losing a child(ren) all too well. Yet, all of them had living children. There was a group of women who sat silently each session in hopes of someone understanding when it was not possible. Those that surrounded them just weren’t experiencing what they were.

Let me be clear, if you have lost a child and have current living children, I cannot possibly understand what it is like for you. I have not experienced what you have. The same goes for women who have only children in heaven. This DOES NOT make our grief less or more. Our griefs aren’t comparable. We just simply have not walked the same path and had the same experiences and this is okay. Your grief is still valid and my grief is valid too.

As I continued to reach out for love and support, I have continued to hit this hurdle that had left me more isolated rather than supported. I have left support groups that have left me empty rather than comforted. I have had posts declined because grief without living children is different than most people can understand. Yet, I knew that because there is such a huge gap, there needed to be a solution. My friend, if you are in front of this screen right now with only children in heaven, I want to know I understand what you are feeling. I understand what it is like to feel forgotten and the pain of empty arms and wombs. I understand the pain that comes with seeing other women with families, not out of jealousy or resentment, but a void you feel so deeply. I am sorry you have felt this way when you have reached out for help. I know what it is like to question if you are a mother because the only evidence you have are the stick’s you peed on and the memories that seem so close, yet so far away. I understand all to well the thankfulness you feel in your heart for women who reach out to you with families, but the emptiness you feel because there is a margin of us who seem to be hidden. What I want you to tuck in your heart Momma is that you are not alone and support is here. Your feelings are valid. Your unique grief is valid. You deserve love and support with the unique grief you are feeling.

You arms and heart wish to be filled with the babies you have lost. You long for your home to be filled with laughter, tears, and mess. When you go to sleep each night you wonder what could have been of the family you have given birth to multiple times. Is that what it feels like to birth empty promise? The promise you have hope for and dream of. The promise that is given but seems like it has been stolen away. My sister, these feelings are valid. Just because there is a group of women who have living children who cannot possibly understand, does not mean they are not hurting too. It just means we are hurting in different ways and this is okay.

What we do all have in common is the a God who loves us so much that He lost His only Son to show us. We have a heavenly father who is willing to sit with us in the ashes and remind us that we still have our crown. We have a father who wants to bind up our broken heart and comfort us through our deepest despair. We have a God who knows the very number of hairs on our head and sympathizes with us on an individual and intimate level. When it feels like no one understands, this is a perfect invitation to come before the only one who possibly could. I encourage you to pour your heart out upon the feet of the Father today. Be unreserved about what you are truly feeling. He knows your thoughts and wants you to cast your cares because He cares. When you share with Him your heart, He will open the floodgates of his love, peace, and understanding. He will sit with you in the ashes.

**If you are a mother of loss with no living children here on earth, sign up for our emails for a support group coming soon. You are not forgotten and you are so loved!

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God’s Sovereign Timing

The Lord said, “I will certainly come back to you in about a year’s time, and your wife Sarah will have a son!” Now Sarah was listening at the entrance of the tent behind him.

Abraham and Sarah were old and getting on in years. Sarah had passed the age of childbearing. So she laughed to herself: “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I have delight?”

But the Lord asked Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Can I really have a baby when I’m old?’ Is anything impossible for the Lord? At the appointed time I will come back to you, and in about a year she will have a son.” -Genesis 18:10-14 CSB

After spending some time in Genesis 18 with the Holy Spirit, I have seen myself reflected in the life of Sarah. Especially through the journey of infertility and our miscarriage in January. Maybe you have too without even realizing it. You see, Sarah and Abraham had been promised something spectacular by God that took obedience and a whole lot of faith. They got up from all they knew and followed God to a place they didn’t even know until they got up and went. When they got the place they were, Sarah and Abraham’s promise of their own child seemed far out. After all they were like old, REALLY OLD. When Sarah overheard the conversation Abraham and the Lord were having about having a child of their own, she laughed. How many times have we felt like a promise was never going to come to pass? Our loved one will never be saved? Our rainbow baby will never come? What God said you would do, the people you would be able to speak to on his behalf, seems so far in the distance. There was nothing Sarah could offer God and nothing her husband could offer. They were, well what the bible classifies of “old age”. What man could do was well, impossible.

Sarah’s reaction was to laugh when God spoke the promises yet again. My reaction, after miscarrying our child, after praying for years for a child, when God told me we were going to get pregnant again was in fact laughter. Often times, when I am deep pain my coping skill is laughter. It is the opposite of what I should be doing in a ‘normal’ world. I cannot help but relate to Sarah as she laughed because the weight of her waiting. What God wanted was not what Sarah could offer God. He desired her belief and trust in him and that he would do what he would said he would do in the appointed time.

Did you catch that? Appointed time…

God has a season and a timing for everything. Just read in the book of Ecclesiastes. While I know it can be emotionally exhausting while waiting for those things God has promised to come to pass. Getting something early and not in God’s timing is a curse rather than a blessing. Trusting in him means also trusting in his timing. Holy Spirit did not leave us without the example of Sarah. He knew that Sarah’s wait would be almost unbearable and cause her grief, a deep affliction. But God reinstates her faith and belief in him by having her remember who he is…

Is anything too hard for the Lord?

So, I asked him. God is anything too hard for you?

Holy Spirit lead me to a wonderful place in Jeremiah that revealed some wonderful things about who God is that he wants me to share with you.

“Sovereign Lord, you made the earth and the sky by your great power and might; nothing is too difficult for you.” -Jeremiah 32:17 GNT

There are two things the Holy Spirit pointed out. Our Lord who made the heavens and the earth through his power and might is SOVEREIGN. He also gave me a direct answer to my question. NOTHING is too difficult for him. Our Lord is sovereign. Which means he has unrestricted power, absolute dominion, has no limitations or restraints on his strength.

So Sarah’s situation of being barren for so long was nothing in comparison to the sovereignty of the Lord. My situation of being promised great things about writing, who I would be speaking to, the babies he has promised, and the influence to bring people to him, is NOTHING in comparison to his sovereignty. For you it may be a diagnosis, a financial burden, or a dream so big you cannot simply see how things are going to come to pass. Whatever your situation may be, even if you may have laughed when he told you, is no comparison to the Lord’s Sovereignty.

Remember, there is an appointed time for the promises which God has given you are GOING to come to pass.  Our timing is not his timing, but we can trust that his timing is perfect. We can trust in his great power and might, the absolute dominion he has. We can trust in God’s love for us he displayed through sending us Jesus when we had nothing to offer. He is trustworthy, but we must trust in his timing. We all know how Sarah and Abraham’s story ends up. In fact, you are apart of that promise that came to pass. Many times his promises are greater than we could ever imagine. We must trust in God, understanding the appointed time he has spoken long before we were ever born is PERFECT. Like Sarah and I, there is a process to the promise and it may even make you laugh and purify the doubt right out of you. But what God has said is true and all he has spoke will come to pass.

“Blessed is she who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord.” -Luke 1:45 NKJV