I did not realize how much God is a God of order. My life has felt like there has been trial after trial with absolutely no breathing room. Life has felt messy, really messy. But when I have been able to take a step back and see things from a different perspective I can see that God’s hand and love has been in the midst of the mess all along. I never thought in a million years I would say this, but, I am thankful that my miscarriage happened when it did. I am thankful for the miscarriage in March because little did I know, a month later I would lose my Grandmother and feel completely forgotten and forsaken by God.

You see, in both events I have pushed myself deeper into the presence of God. Not out of religious duty, but out of necessity for my savior, my counselor, my comforter, my perfect helper. I need grace for the irritability that no one told me would come with losing so much back to back. I am in desperate need of peace, strength, and most certainty mercy for all the times I have missed the mark. Grief over a 4 month span tests everything in you. It tests the foundation you stand upon, what is in your heart, and has a way of humbling you in realization that life is futile. I honestly think that even one event to grieve over is enough. As I said before, he is a God of order. Can you believe that there is purpose in your pain? I know it is hard to see, isn’t it?

If I would have never lost our child in March, when I have been feeling forsaken and forgotten, these verses would never have came so alive to me.

Zion says, “The Lord has abandoned me;
the Lord has forgotten me!”
“Can a woman forget her nursing child,
or lack compassion for the child of her womb?
Even if these forget,
yet I will not forget you.
Look, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are continually before me.
-Isaiah 49:14-16 CSB

Have you ever felt abandoned by God? As you press yourself further and further into his presence, it seems rather like things were in the beginning (dare I say easier), he seems oddly distant. You are enduring trials, maybe like my husband and I, for months on end. You are tempted to say, “God didn’t you just see what we went through last month and the month before?”. The truth is that God was right there all along when we lost our child and he is right here in the middle of the grief of losing my Grandmother. Whatever you are going through, he is right there with you too.

“Can a woman forget her nursing child,
or lack compassion for the child of her womb?

Just like a woman who has lost a child, God could never forget us as his children. His love is so much more abundant than we can think or imagine. Our minds are just too finite to understand. How could God forget you? How could he forget me? He is the one who created us. He is the one still breathing life into our very lungs. He is the one who sent Jesus, his own son just so he did not have to be without us. That is love.

God does not expect you to forget the loss you have endured. He does not expect you to push forward in the newness of life without allowing him to come and help. His desires are that you to put your hope and trust in him through the grief. God desires you to remember that all he does is done out of who he is. While much of what we go through does not make sense and sometimes really hurts, it may even break your heart. You and I can always go back to trusting in who God is.

While I did not understand WHY I had a miscarriage. I do know that I am thankful that it has prepared me to understand the meaning behind Isaiah 49. I could never forget our baby. The short time he was in my womb is something that I will cherish forever. Just like I will never forget our child, God could never forget or abandon us.

If you are in a season where you feel unheard, unloved, and forgotten. Rest assured, you are written on the palm of the Lord’s hand. There is not a moment that you have left his mind or his ears have not heard your prayers. There has never been a moment that he has not actively been working everything out for your good. How could he possibly forget the one he so beautifully created, his masterpiece? Our feelings are valid and he sympathizes with all we have been through in this season. He meets us there as we are transparent with our feelings. He will meet us there with his truth. That is exactly what happened when I admitted I felt abandoned and forsaken, he washed me in his word-his perfect truth.

What are you having a hard time with today? Confess it to our loving father. Just like me, he will meet you there with grace, mercy, and love.

I will never forget this awful time,
    as I grieve over my loss.
Yet I still dare to hope
    when I remember this:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
    His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
    his mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
    therefore, I will hope in him!”
-Lamentations 3:20-24 NLT

2 thoughts on “The Truth About God In The Midst of Grief

  1. Thank you for being vulnerable and authentic in sharing your journey!! Jesus has got you in the palm of his hand. He’s so good to us amidst our suffering and sorrow. It’s beautiful when he gives us glimpses of his bigger picture. ❤️

Leave a Reply

Next Post

To The One Who Never Got To Say Goodbye

Thu Apr 23 , 2020
Today is her funeral and I can’t go, I am 19 hours away. I did not think that the last time I saw your face […]
Follow by Email
Instagram
%d bloggers like this: