"I used to be a Pharisee. I think I could have been the chief of Pharisees. I had a real religious act going on, but I wasn't really doing anything to truly "imitate" God. At some point, God led me to ask myself: "What am I doing to be more like God? Am I actually helping anybody? Am I just in this thing so God will make my life better?"
When we're in a place of questioning, that's the best place to be. It's a place of constantly striving toward being more like Christ.
As you're striving, don't fall into the trap of perfectionism and self-condemnation. We all make mistakes but the important thing is to be willing to take steps every day toward being more like God." -Joyce Meyer, Promises for Your Everyday Life Devotion
Oh how I am so very blessed to have a Father as great as he to put this in my lap this morning. Perfect timing as usual!
Last night, I was laying in my bathtub, praying, just not understanding why I have been feeling the way I've been feeling. I began to question my motives, thoughts, reactions, behavior, and over all heart these past couple weeks. As I began to align everything up, with the help of Holy Spirit, I began to realize that half my thoughts I had been feeling weren't even of God. How in the world did that happen? The
devil has been planting these little lies that later turn into this huge gigantic, out of control, emotional ball of fluff named Tanja.
I began to read John 11 and the story of the Death of Lazarus and one thing really stuck out to me. "Jesus wept." -John 11:35
I've been struggling very heavily with a
Spirit of Condemnation for as far as I can remember. When I saw that Our Father hurts when we are hurting & he understands our struggles and doesn't belittle them. I took great comfort in this. Just knowing that even if no one understands in this world, God does.
So needless to say, I have not been exactly showing the character of Christ through many of my actions, because my thoughts didn't line up with who God is. "Oh boy, what a mess.", I began to worry. *Tap, tap, tap* Tanja, that worry, that's not of me either.
Wow, no wonder why I am a hot mess,
none of my thoughts are aligned with God's!
Knowing that God loves me and I don't have to worry or be scared about anything and I just need to pray gave me such comfort through this. Holy Spirit pointing out that Jesus cried during the story of Lazarus, helped me understand that God not only understands when we are hurting but he feels it. He's not only a Good Father, but a Friend, Provider, Counselor, and Mentor of who we are called to be.
Growing doesn't happen overnight! The process may be uncomfortable and
not in our timing. However, we often learn the most through the valleys and not the mountain tops.
I want to Thank God for reaching out his hand when I asked to get back on track. I want to thank him for who he is and for turning everything out for the good, even through the difficulty I have faced, so that I am able to grow deeper into a relationship with him.
It's not all sunshine & butterflies on this journey. Sometimes a storm comes and makes things a little messy, but the rain makes us grow into the beautiful creation that the Lord has intended us to be.